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Phonetic news

 phonetic rules for news blurbs
 
(+3, -3) 		  [vote for,
against]

To spice up bland repetitive news blurbs editorial policy should encourage each writer to restrict him/herself to beginning each word in their story with the same letter. Letters would be drawn on a daily basis and assigned to each writer. For example:

SYNIDICATED: Sesame St Sentinel Stanley S. Sussex

SHOCKING SURREAL STORY SURFACES Severely sadistic serial shooter surfaces! Shoots seemingly sleepy Somalian sycophant sowing some striped socks. Seamstress survives service station shooters sharpest shot. Spurious suspect says squat. Surprised safety sergeant silent.

Although I anticipate the X-Rated Xylophonists X-Ray X-Men story with some trepidation.

Regards Ardd

—Ardd, Oct 22 2002

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       Silly story, sir. Still, seems satisfactory.
—Amos Kito, Oct 22 2002
   

       Wanted wit with wattle wittle wonder what weather wants.
—skinflaps, Oct 22 2002
   

       Aren't all aforementioned articles alliterative? Perhaps 'phonetic' is phony.
—st3f, Oct 22 2002
   

       I think I'd rather read a rag where all the stories *scanned*.
Certain types of metre work quite well for journalists.
—General Washington, Oct 22 2002
   

       I'd just like 'em to speak in complete sentences for a change. One show recently did a study on how fast verbs were disappearing from the fast-paced world of up-to-the-minute news coverage.
—RayfordSteele, Oct 22 2002
   

       And how fast they?
—General Washington, Oct 22 2002
   

       Not as fast as you can annotate, apparently...
—RayfordSteele, Oct 22 2002
   

       Nothing to about, then.
—General Washington, Oct 22 2002
   

       "Superman Dumps Shit, Makes Hamburger Helper"

Still my favorite.
—AfroAssault, Oct 23 2002
   

       Neat idea, but I would change the way the letters are assigned. As an example of why: how would you write an obituary for someone without mentioning their name?
—krelnik, Oct 23 2002
   

       Why krel, it would work for someone like William Waldorf Wilberforce, or even 'Enry Edwards. Simply force people to have the same first letter for every name.   

       Yours, SeterSilly or PeterPilly.
—PeterSilly, Oct 23 2002
   

       Exactly, Peter. I think maybe your assigned letter would have to match a key element (usually a proper name) of your story, for this to work.   

       Hey what about the "Variety" option? Variety is the newspaper that Hollywood folks read, it is famous for goofy jargon-filled headlines like: "Hix Nix Stix Pix" (for a story about how well rural-themed movies were playing in rural areas). Lets extend that down into the stories.
—krelnik, Oct 23 2002
   

       Alliteration, not phonetic.   

       This thing truely takes the truffles
—DesertFox, May 14 2004
   

       A for Ayatolla, T for Tsar, N for a Penny at J for Juventus. W for why H for Honour V for La France? G for Gnome S for Sees C for Chaos.
—Ling, Jul 24 2005
   


 

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