For a small fee, pet owners bring their animals to my specially designed studio - and I will paint their portraits. But this is portraiture with a difference!
My dedicated painting technique cares little for lighting on Fluffy's snout, the plumage surrounding Cyril's beak or the delightful pattern
on Mr. Whiskers' coat. They have no significance to an artist such as myself - whatsoever!
Once the owner selects from a series of possible scenarios, I will set up my easel and brushes and train a high wattage bulb on the pets genitals.
Chiaroscuro is vitally important you see, to properly accentuate the shading of light to dark within the undulating folds of an alsation's anus for example.
I can paint to any size, but I prefer a modest work on canvas, framed tastefully that can easily be hung in the owner's home or office.
'Still Life with Bone' is a popular static canine arrangement, but I can accomodate the fantasy depiction of pets in any stage of simulated arousal.
The possible scenarios mentioned earlier involve subtle costuming, make-up and prop placement to express the inherent sexuality of each individual animal.
Imagine if you will, a stunning and precise portrait of your hamster from behind - its panties pulled seductively aside to reveal a well-shaved love nest.
A watercolour of your goldfish in bondage harness, swimming tentatively thru a black latex-lined tank.
Your dachshund in 'out-of-focus' oils, relaxing alluringly on its back, it's little pink tongue lapping at the largest of its five sets of nipples.
A Pop Art (or Pointillist) portrait perhaps, of your parrot's pecker is perfect for peculiar parties.
Gift-wrapping is also available.