h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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Very few people clean up after their pets in the lawless
part
of the world where I live, and lots of people have dogs. The
results are easy to imagine. Festering piles of dog faeces
randomly decorate every walkway and verge. It's not nice.
The solution to this problem occurred to me when I
was
recently watching a wildlife programme, that focused on
the
incidental dispersal of plants by way of their indigestible
seeds
being excreted by birds.
Enter the pre-seeded pet food range Urbane Faecal. A
variety
of insoluble plant seeds would be mixed in with the new
pet
food range. These would pass harmlessly through the
animal's
digestive tract, exiting in the middle of a pile of perfect
manure, where they would eventually germinate and grow.
The bonus benefit of this idea comes for owners of animals
prone to constipation. Instead of a hefty vet bill, they now
only need wait until they see the tip of a root appearing
out
of their pet's bum, and gasping it firmly, pull out the
offending
obstruction unto a waiting sheet of newspaper. In the UK I
suggest The Sun as a most suitable receptacle for this
material.
Meanwhile, the banks and verges are positively blossoming
as a
result of the outpourings from the pre-seeded pet food
range
[link]
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//root ... pet's bum ... grasping it firmly// One hopes people don't Google here by accident. |
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spmthr - Meanings of gestate |
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1. To gestate offspring.
2. To develop gradually. |
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but you are of course correct - germinate is more
appropriate - thanks - altered - will feed cat with lots of
exotic offerings, and let him loose in your back garden
for a while as your reward |
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interesting notion but I cannot bring myself to vote for it as I feel it will lead to even more selfish lazy pet owners not bothering to clean up after their pets and there are some real nasties to be found in doggy do-do that would still be around to cause blindness in children etc no matter what lovelies you grew in it. |
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//real nasties to be found in doggy do-do// And cats - toxoplasmosis is a real nasty.
How about dung-beetle larvae in slow release capsules? |
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That's a better idea, use armies of dung beetles to keep our streets and public places dogshit-free. |
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time release capsules.... dung beetles first, to roll the
stuff away, prior to hatching out. Either way it's a big
problem where I live, and if you think that what's in the
dog's shit is a problem, which it clearly is, you should take
a look at the ones training them for illegal pit combat,
and badger baiting. |
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