h a l f b a k e r yCompound disinterest.
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Especially useful when starting a new job. The watch vibrates when in the presence of a higher up. You can impress them with meaningless and obscure analogies. It heats up in the presence of the office intern, prompting you to switch to practical joke mode.
Self-Leveling Executive Chair
http://www.halfbake...20Executive_20Chair
Similar idea, different equipment. [phoenix, May 30 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]
[link]
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If you need it - you are too dumb to know what to do with it. |
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Ah, but when you're new on the job, you don't know what all the bosses or the interns look like. |
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Here's a tip; if you play practical jokes on interns, you're at the bottom of the order. If you treat everyone as you would wish to be treated, you're getting towards the top. |
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If they are impressing you with meaningless and obscure analogies, you're higher up. If they're in practical joke mode, you're lower. |
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If they arrive at meetings after you and leave before, they're higher. If they look at you when they're talking to you, they're lower. If they throw rotten fruit at you, they're either higher, or chimpanzees. |
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If they throw a conniption fit, they're upper management.
If they throw a hissie fit, they're middle management.
If they throw up because of aforementioned fits, they're lowest on the totem pole. |
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Check out the amount of paper work on their desk. |
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The smaller the stack, the higher they are. |
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[Reverend D]: Not in *this* (relatively) paper-free office. |
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Just pick out the biggest, baddest mo-fo in the office and pick a fight with him/her. |
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...no wait, that's prison.
Maybe that's why everyone avoids giving me work.
I guess it works both ways. |
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"When playing poker, if you're not sure who the patsy is, then you're the patsy." |
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our office works like this: if you hear the gossip before it becomes fact, you are a peon. if you hear the gossip after it has become fact and absolutely everyone else already knows it, including your wife, you are upper management. if you create the gossip you are that special class we call administration. |
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I'm not sure if it would work for those relatively close to you in the pecking order, but it's always been a truism among interviewers that you will succeed best if you treat celebrities like common people and you treat common people like celebrities. |
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[angel], a nice thought that I tried, but it doesn't work in the corporate world. The management at most of my previous jobs got to be management by learning how to be ruthless bastards. According to them, I didn't really 'fit in.' I took that for the compliment that it was. |
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What does the watch do when the intern is the boss's nephew? |
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Say Brad, isn't this something like that time we had to engineer a cutting edge solution to meet our deliverables? |
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