h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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A button, to be developed by genetics engineers, that appears on infants at the age of about 1 when they start walking and disappears when they're about 4.
The purpose of this button is to induce an immediate and harmless 'pause' state where the child remains motionless and silent for 5 minutes.
Can only be used once every hour and can only be operated by the parent(s).
Location on the child yet to be determined, but it will obviously need to be somewhere easily accessible
[vmaldia]'s goat
http://www.faintinggoat.com/
[angel, Aug 01 2006]
[link]
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Baked. It's located on the TV and it's labeled "POWER." |
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I'm uneasy about the ethics of implanting things in babies. I'd prefer to just keep lobbying the government to lift the restrictions on tranquilizer darts. |
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You've got my vote on the sole fact that eventually someone will make it so that these kids will grow up into adults, and when they're STILL annoying, you can just smack the button to shut them up since it doesn't go away anymore. I really wish some of my "friends" had that. |
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// lift the restrictions on tranquilizer darts // |
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There are restrictions ? Ooops ...... |
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{Centauri]
Yes and no. You're obviously one of those lucky folks who doesn't have a child who turns the TV and then wants Mum to find a particular 10 second slot on an hour-long cartoon video, and have to spend the next hour watching that same bit about 40 times. |
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If Scotty were to extend the pause time to 10 minutes it might be worth a croissant or two, but 5 minutes isn't really long enough to get the dinner sorted. |
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I find if you feed them enough sweets and artificial colourants then they burn out in about an hour (Irn Bru does this a treat)! |
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Put it on their hands and make it only work when in contact with something sticky...? |
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You could try a voice-changing helmet, that puts their vocalisations into the inaudible spectrum? Or would we just start getting whales or dolphins beaching themselves in an attempt to make them shut up? |
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If I had something like this I would keep hitting the pause button like it was the snooze alarm. |
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There is a genetic defect in a breed of goats that dose something like this. When you expose the goat to sudden noise, it freezes and loses consciousness for a few min. Genetically engineer the gene in kids but change the triggering stimulus. Now that's cruel and evil.
BTW: The goats freeze with all their muscles rigid so goats tend to develop more lean muscle. The way their muscles freeze is like excercise. So kids with this will have bodybuilder physiques. |
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I was about to [m-f-d]: magic until I
read vmaldia's anno. |
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The condition is called myotonia (linky). |
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Not great when the fire alarm goes off. |
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I seem to remember something along those goaty lines being used in the Dune series by Frank Herbert, Paul Atriedes and Feyd are fighting and iirc there is a power word that freezes the opponents muscles.
Never knew it was realised in goats though. I am surprised a couple of my "country" friends (the sort who used to enjoy cow-tipping as adolescents) haven't cottoned onto this. hhrrrmm in light of Vmaldia's anno bring on the GE for children! |
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