h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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Numerous products exist to assist those who have developed a psychological or physiological dependence on nicotine.
But there is a far, far more dangerous, insidious and unaddressed problem that - so far - has received no attention.
Until now.
It seems that 100%, yes 100% of humans exhibit
an serious dependancy on oxygen. Take it away, and they exhibit all sorts of really quite frightening symptoms and behaviours, and can become abusive and quite remarkably violent.
But these "users" seem to have no concept of how very, very dangerous this simple molecule is. It's implicated in all sorts of dangerous, destructive reactions, readily forms aggressive free radicals, and can cause astonishing damage to all sorts of materials.
Now, BorgCo pharmacologists have formulated a special compound to help addicts quickly and painlessly free themselves of the curse of this horrible, destructive addiction. Just take a dose of BorgCo OxyQuitin and very quickly you'll no longer feel that terrible, overwhelming craving for oxygen. You'll feel calm, serene, and happy in the knowledge that you're at last free of the ruthless monster that has dominated your life so far.
OxyQuitin. You know you want it.
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Annotation:
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//so fat// speak for yourself |
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Yes, but you have to keep taking that, you're just swapping one dependancy for another; with our OxQuitin product, yo only need one dose. |
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You're just rebranding nitrogen, aren't you? |
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I can't believe it's naught but air... |
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// You're just rebranding nitrogen, aren't you? // |
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No, this is an oral medication, not a gas. |
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Sounds like there aren't many side effects either. Might be
the only medicine with only one side effect in fact. |
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Actually you're limiting your market. |
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Over eating? Cured.
Occasional headaches? Cured.
Bored with nothing to do on a Saturday night? Not any
more. |
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Cures all diseases for that matter. Well, puts an end to
them anyway. |
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I feel better already, however soon I won't. |
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Would I be correct in my suspicion that this medicine smells
of almonds? |
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You would be entirely wrong. It doesn't smell of anything, it's a tablet with a thick sugar coating (that is, however, safe* for diabetics). |
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Swallow whole without chewing. |
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<Frantically pushes heap of empty Zyklon-B cans into nearby hole in ground/> |
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*The tablet takes effect before the excess sugar dose has any chance to cause problems. |
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