h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Stretch limos are not only tacky and passé, but also a waste of
money. If you are travelling from your middle-of-nowhere house,
you really only want to try to create an impression as you drive
through the posh parts of town and arrive at your destination.
Yet,
you have to pay for the whole
damn journey.
May we recommend, instead, the Buchanan Motorcycle Outrider
Escort Service? I think we may.
So.
For a modest, negotiable and entirely non-refundable fee, four
black-clad, non-talking, serious-looking motorcyclists on an equal
number of large and serious-looking motorcycles will join your
own
vehicle at a pre-arranged point on your journey. They will then
escort you, one at each corner, until you arrive at your
destination.
Here, they will halt and watch the crowd for would-be ne'er-do-
wells
whilst giving the appearance of being ready for any form of
attack.
For an immodest additional charge, we will even provide a driver
for
your car, who will also park it for your after you have arrived and
devehicled.
Environmentally friendlier'n a stretch limo also.
motorcycle escort service employment
http://www.a3escorts.com/employment.html
[xandram, May 12 2010]
(???) looks baked here
http://www.chips.me.uk/
[xandram, May 12 2010]
[link]
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Extra bun if the bikers are openly carrying large-calibre personal weapons. |
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When you look at the outriders, you will just know that they
are carrying unseen weapons. |
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You're talking bulging trousers here, aren't you ? |
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That is not at all what we had in mind. For shame. |
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We are very glad to hear that. While well-fitted black leather garments are entirely acceptable, and indeed appropriate, for such duties, anything veering towards descriptions such as "closely-fitting" ot "figure-hugging" are to be strenuously avoided - unless, of course, the wearers are female. |
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NB it is important that the motorcycles are a reasonably close match in terms of syling and colour. Traditional black-and-chrome cruisers would no doubt fit the bill. |
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Yes, but only to swagger into the courtroom, push the judge off their chair, and enquire in a calm, courteous voice (after having used one's .44 magnum Desert Eagle as a gavel) as to whether the Prosecution wishes to open their case, or would rather just go home, and if so, have they brought a note from their Mother ? |
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Do they sport black leather jackets and studs with hell's angels logos, or are they more the government MIB-looking complete with ray-bans? |
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[+] if the service can also include a trailing tint-windowed SUV that the outriders "take care of" while en route. That might tip environmental friendliness back toward the limo though. |
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This is a good idea. I say, milk the profits: charge extra for
mustached outriders. |
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//criminal being taken to court.// brilliant idea - instead of a limo, you could hire a realistic looking police meat-wagon - with optional baying crowd of would-be vigilantes out to lynch you should you remove the coat from over your head. |
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[marked-for-category-change] business:something |
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I imagine most clubs would do it for you already for beer if you're buds, or for money if not. |
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[FT], you are heading in entirely the wrong direction. A small
herd of Harley fans will simply convince people that you are
friends with a small herd of Harley fans. |
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BMOES outriders are of an entirely more disconcerting and
sober appearance. |
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And damn, yes, it does appear to be slightly baked. |
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However, I might point out that the "CHiPs me" service offers
something which is "a little more unique". |
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At the risk of being pedantic, something can only be _more_
unique by failing to exist at all. Therefore I claim a partial
moral victory. |
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Does the outrider hire agency supply Marianne Faithful-style female outriders wearing the kind of all-in-one leather motorbike catsuit she wore in the film "Girl on a Motorcycle"? |
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We can supply outriders wearing the specified costume, at
an extra cost. We cannot vouch for the contents of the
costumes, however. |
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Right, I'll have four flaming readheads, helmetless, in fire engine red leather catsuits, on red Ninja bikes, with battle-axes strapped to their backs. [+] |
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Ah, sorry, we don't do gaudy. (Though we will do all other
Oxbridge college events.) |
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I'd like to see them get the bikes up to the top of Magdalen tower before 6am. |
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pomloc, 8th - both those cost extra. |
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Can someone please bone this idea? I'm getting nervous. |
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// four flaming readheads, helmetless, in fire engine red leather catsuits, on red Ninja bikes, with battle-axes strapped to their backs. // |
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Errr, [BH], red leather catsuits ? We presume that these catsuits have "front zippers". Can you perhaps be a little more precise on the "zippedness" of the said catsuits ? Are you talking 80% zippedness, or less ? (Anything under 70% gets an automatic honourary bun). |
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// I'm getting nervous // |
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Yes,, well, some of us are getting twitchy, and waking up in the night whimpering. |
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I'd hire these guys just to escort me around the house. |
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How do you think [MaxwellBuchanan] got the idea? |
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