Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ooze Shoes

 Wellies with the mud on the inside
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“Splootch, squeege, sluursh,” the distinctive sound and odor of our patent leather pending, sludge boots will turn heads as you enter your box at the Bolshoi or when out retrieving drive-by road-kill. Enjoy the pleasures of mineral-lush mud seeping between your toes, massaging your arches and kneading your ankles, with every step.

Envious eyes will discern the distinctive details of our stylish, refillable gum boots with calf splatter elimination technology. Like our other popular products, kneepad pantyhose, the roomy, Untouchable plaster cast and the Read-My-Lips bush thong, the dirt cheap, ooze shoes are guaranteed to improve your below-the-waist lifestyle.

By simply pouring in your weekly powder packet of Nile Delta slime, Mississippi mud bank or Hungarian Blue Danube sludge and adding water, you’ll be starting you feet down the road of microorganism-enriched, mudpack comfort and health.

—FarmerJohn, Apr 17 2003

Gel Shoes http://www.myshoere...com/asics_shoes.asp
...seem to be pretty popular. Not sure what using mud instead of gel adds to the process beyond some iffy bacteria. [DrCurry, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Trench Foot http://www.spartacu...t.co.uk/FWWfoot.htm
Word to the squeamish: DO NOT SCROLL!! [DrCurry, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


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Annotation:







       not sure about that thong at all.
—po, Apr 17 2003
   

       Why let your feet have all the fun? I can hardly wait (well, actually, yes I can) for the debut of the entire line-up of Ooze clothing. Ooze Briefs (Ooze Boxers were a spectacular failure) in particular I think will cross the line of good taste. And the Ooze helmet with optional facemask would have to have a pretty reliable gasket to reduce the trickle-down effect. Optional name for full-body version: Mudsuit.   

       Ugh! I've just re-read this anno and sometimes I really wonder about how my brain works.
—Canuck, Apr 17 2003
   

       So do we, Canuck... so do we...
Never did get my money back on those Ooze Boxers.
—thumbwax, Apr 17 2003
   

       the prototype had drawer strings around the bottoms
—po, Apr 17 2003
   

       Another advantage is that the internal mud would cause enough in-boot suction to counter the out-boot suction experienced by wellington wearers world-wide whenever we walk in external mud.
—AO, Apr 17 2003
   

       [AO] that was music to my eyes.
—po, Apr 17 2003
   


 

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