Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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There goes my teleportation concept.

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NoStigma shampoo/bodywash

just use once a month
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A product recommended/mandated for use by everyone, roughly once a month. This miracle lotion will combat dandruff, ringworm, tinea, lice and just about every minor infestation problem, without reference to any of the aforementioned on the bottle. No more uncomfortable questions at the pharmacy,
key-aero, Aug 01 2001

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       PeterSealy: That's the whole point of this one, escaping the Euuurgh! reaction.   

       UnaBubba: I don't see why not (the non availability of externally applied chemical contraceptives notwithstanding), it should probably also have a fresh, pleasant, minty taste and possibly take a crack at body odour neutralisation while it's there.
key-aero, Aug 01 2001
  

       [waugsqueke] I believe the point is to force everyone to purchase a bottle (and use it). Ergo, everyone has a bottle whether they need it or not. Ergo, no one knows who is an infested bastard and who isn't, saving the infested bastards the embarassment of revealing their true identity. (Do I smell another superhero?)
phoenix, Aug 01 2001
  

       I bet that applying any antibiotic remedy to the general population on a regular basis would accelerate the emergence of antibiotic-resistent bugs. But if you had a 100%-kill formula you might be able to wipe out the offending micro-critters before they could adapt.   

       Oooo--what if you ended up with mutated ringworm fungus (Tinea corporis, say) that sprouted 'fairy ring' mushrooms on your skin?
Dog Ed, Aug 01 2001
  

       That's another beauty of the product, as soon as the fungus mutates, and a suitable remedy is found, the formula can be updated and delivered to everyone within a month.
key-aero, Aug 01 2001
  

       FDA sped things up that quick? WOW! Where can I get some of this magical snake oil?
thumbwax, Aug 02 2001
  

       First, you get a magical snake, and a wine press, then...
StarChaser, Aug 04 2001
  
      
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