Nivi-Cam

I don’t know about you, but I look damn rough when viewed via a webcam. I need something to make me look better in Web conferences.

Luckily, I’ve commissioned some real-time image processing software that can add a configurable false moustache or beard, enhance head-hair thickness and curliness as well as add rimless spectacles for that intellectually un-attainable look. Web conferences are just so much better now. Female beta-testers have dubbed it Nivi-Cam as it also virtually removes the seven signs of ageing. Normally by the way, I personally configure 'signs of ageing' to 4.6 out of 7 as it's fairly CPU intensive and has to be balanced against beard length.

I’m also informed that if I take my shirt off, it can add a bit of extra muscle tone here and there and apparently, I can even get a six-pack upgrade if I get a better PC. I haven’t asked what the developers have done for the ladies; although I expect I'll find out next week when the second beta-testing phase starts. Nor have I followed up the rumours about Sven and those well-toned “film stars” with their huge moustaches.

There are still a few bugs to iron out. The cat wandered in the other day and the software went a bit wild. I ended up with a stinky fig leaf dangling off my virtual nose that I couldn’t shake off. The software somehow knew to wrinkle my nose and pull a face in response.