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New American Currency

 1 dollar = 1,000,000 sperm
  (+2, -31)(+2, -31)(+2, -31)
(+2, -31) 		  [vote for,
against]

I believe if semen were made to be the new American currency, many good things would happen. 1) while the money would be of very little value (a la Lira), everyone would be rich. 2) it would be a way to make even the homeliest homie a bona-fida chick magnet. 3) excessive promiscuous sex and masturbation will be curbed. These people will be the New Economists.
—jland, May 18 2001

[link]






       How will masturbation be curbed, and why is that a good thing?   

       I don't think I understand.
—globaltourniquet, May 18 2001
   

       Actually, none of this makes any sense at all, unless I'm misunderstanding the premise.   

       If sperm were money, I would only be rich if I masturbated a lot (or got others to do it for me out of the goodness of their male heart, if I were female) and collected it in my (sealed) wallet.   

       I would only be a "chick magnet" if I were known in the female community to be willing to have a lot of promiscuous sex, pull out and give away the fruits of our effort.   

       Your points are contradictory.
—globaltourniquet, May 18 2001
   

       If you don't have the exact amount I am not counting out change.
—sirrobin, May 18 2001
   

       Can't wait to hear what Lesbians would say about this new currency.   

       How would it be traded/exchanged for goods? I can see the man behind the counter at the 7-11 putting squirming jizz filled condoms into his 'come register'.   

       What if when the waiter brings around the bill at your favourite restaurant - you dig deep into your pants and you come up short?   

       You would be staying behind to do something other than clean dishes . . .
—benfrost, May 18 2001
   

       No. I'd be broke all the time.
—Susen, May 18 2001
   

       The Pope is gonna get a 2nd wind once he sees this. Speaking of which...
—thumbwax, May 18 2001
   

       I've just come into some money.
—angel, May 18 2001
   

       Well, technically, if it doesn't have to be human, then I already use it as a form of currency....but I trade it for cold, HARD, cash..... ;-)
—Susen, May 18 2001
   

       The sperm itself doesn't need to change hands, just notes representing the sperm. When the US dollar was based on a gold standard the gold itself wasn't usually used as currency. Large repositories of gold were kept in a fort to secure the value of the currency. The US gold reserve lived at Fort Knox. For this purpose I'd recommend Fort Dix.
—sirrobin, May 22 2001
   

       Yet another reason to feel sorry for us eunuchs.   

       Uhm... THOSE EUNUCHS, I meant. THOSE. Not US.   

       [Slinks into corner and stares at the floor]
—jester, Sep 08 2001
   

       a) To all the extremely conservative pro-lifers, sperm are already living beings b) Under this system, sperm would be bartered and traded.   

       SLAVE TRADERS! BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD!   

       (tee hee)
—jester, Sep 08 2001
   

       brettjs - We wouldn't make the sperm *work*. It's not as if we're forcing them to labour in mines or turn tiny treadmills or anything.   

       If I remember correctly, the female reproductive system is actually pretty hazardous for sperm. Doesn't it kill off all the weak and feeble little blighters through its acidity and suchlike? Any biologists out there?
—pottedstu, Sep 17 2001
   

       LMAO! I just poe'd myself again.
—phoenix, Sep 17 2001
   

       Baked in Dr Strangelove. "All those precious bodily fluids.... God bless your aim!".
—SandraElm, Sep 18 2001
   

       quick easy way to get most fishbones ever?
—spaceman_spiff, Jan 25 2002
   

       No, that was that stupid animal olympics...
—StarChaser, Jan 27 2002
   

       now I might have this all round the wrong way , but I think the X bearing sperm like the acidity and the Y bearing sperm prefer the alkaline; hence depending on the time in the monthly cycle and the location of the egg when it hits on the little critter, a woman is more likely to conceive one sex over the other.
—po, Jan 27 2002
   

       Sperm is a dime a dozen (or so you apparently wish). If you want a sex-based economy you will have to turn the tables. Only women's sexual services are in great demand, though I have seen a few crossdressing girly-boys working the throroughfares--counterfeiters!   

       I would gladly allow attractive women to pay for my services with sex. But we will still need some other form of money, for men and old hags, unless we are to trade our sisters and daughters for everything. It would be pretty hard on them when we make a large purchase like a car.
—Temporary Sanity, Oct 31 2003
   

       Sperm is worth money, ask any one paying child support.
—Mr_Turner, Apr 20 2006
   
      
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