h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Do you have excessive nose hair?
Does the mere sight of tweezers make your eyes water?
Concerned about the permanency of electrolysis?
Can't be bothered trimming?
Our organisation is looking for volunteers to trial our latest product in hair removal. The team will have your
nostrils clear of foliage in no time, following our step by step process...
We block the nasal passage using our lightweight, thin-handled, flame-resistant plugs. This is done at a suitable depth to allow access to the nasal hair, while sealing the respiratory tract. Our low-octane Nasal Napalm spray is then applied to the interior of the nose.
A gentle flame is applied and the process begins.
Shortly after the process ends with a quick pinch of the nostrils, putting the flame out before the searing of any delicate nasal surfaces. The singed foliage comes out easily with the removal of the plug.
If this process concerns you, then just imagine if this occurred under uncontrolled conditions. Nasal Napalm decreases the risk of nasal wildfire... it is backburning, for your nose!
Apologies to those without excessive nose hair.
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Annotation:
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and electrolysis *concerns* you? |
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// and electrolysis *concerns* you? // |
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Heh... a little bit, no more than the tweezers though. I might need that nose hair for something in the future, you never know. |
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"Is that napalm dripping out of your nose?"
"No, it's not." |
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I love to pull those hairs. Makes me sneeze and helps to clear my sinuses. Its the people around me who are squeamish and and interfere with my pleasure. Can you offer any Napalm device I could use on them? |
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Do you smell something burning? |
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I don't think that pinching the nostrils will extinguish the
flames – napalm, I thought, was known for burning without
exposure to atmospheric oxygen (eg. burning
underwater). |
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Perhaps I should clarify that "Nasal Napalm" would not be *actual* napalm. I was thinking maybe paraffin oil in a spray. Something that doesn't burn at too high a temperature. |
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"I love the smell of Nasal Napalm
in the morning. The smell, you
know that burning hair smell.
Smells like victory." |
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"At least it *did* until they lit the match." |
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Come to think of it, this may not be very safe. |
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//Napalm is jellied petroleum.// |
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Isn't vaseline petroleum jelly? I knew anal sex had its risks but Jesus!! |
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//Napalm is jellied petroleum.// |
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Isn't vaseline petroleum jelly? I knew anal sex had its risks but Jesus!! |
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Napalm can be made at home. Not really for fun OR profit, because making it's a felony, but you could do it. |
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As for petroleum jelly, it's got a similar name, but is actually created by a much different process. |
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"One can make all kinds of explosives,
using simple household items, if one were so inclined" |
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