Nasal ATM

A device that is made up of a medium to large sized false nose useful for the conveyance of money.

The device has many parts, one is a voice recognition system to understand the amount of money you wish to dispense. Another part is a prismatic periscope, which we shall come to later.

The dispenser has a series of actuators, which control the flow of coins and banknotes, so when you say £2.99 it knows to dispense the appropriate amount of money, via the nostrils in the false nose, for example notes through the left nostril and coins through the right.

Aha, I hear you say. but what about electronic money? Indeed this is where nose ATM comes into it's own, simply press the nose up against the paypoint and the onboard electronics take care of it.

It also has a handy barcode scanner concealed in the tip, so simply run the product over the end and it'll do a web-based best price search for you. As early field trials of this function in a lingerie store did produce an element of misunderstanding, for some inexplicable reason, the nose can also provide a list of good lawyers in the area.

And finally, you're wondering how to top up? When pressed against a conventional ATM, a magnetic strip is inserted into the ATM, with your bank details. As you will then the pressing your nose against the machine the prism telescope enables your to see the 20 centimeters to the left in order to type in the correct PIN number, and the nose will reload itself with the cash.

Available in unisex, flesh tones, Burberry check, Hello Kitty and XX size for the dedicated shopper.