h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vedi, fish velocipede
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Paintball has helped people deal with their desires to kill other people and space aliens, but for some it just doesn't cut it. Here's what I want:
I walk into a building, VERY armed (think The Matrix). After popping rounds into about 15 people, I simply walk out.
"But Afro, why
did you kill all those people?"
They're actors. The gun isn't real (nor is it a paintball gun, it shoots blanks). The building is a business made for this purpose alone. I made arrangements and paid beforehand. No one actually died. Well, that's not true, a lot of people have died, from heart attacks and strokes and old age, but not from this.
This could be customized however you want. Maybe it's a war setting, or something Game-like for all the RPG nerds, or even a movie reenactment (You could be De Niro in Taxi Driver!) with music in the background. And even if you wouldn't want to try this yourself, I still think it'd be fun to be one of the actors.
The Labyrinthe
http://www.liveroleplay.co.uk/
A fantasy LRP to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. [Aristotle, Aug 19 2001]
[link]
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What you are basically describing is a modern day Live Role-Playing (LRP) scenario for a one person party. People do this kind of thing already with the fantasy genre: a group of people playing various fantasy archetypes attack an installation and leave when their objectives are achieved. One varient is for one person to try and do the entire adventure designed for a party by themself, something that one person used to do back at The Labyrinthe in the UK when I was active in LRPs. |
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LRP, right, but this is very specialized. If it was so focused, everything could be rigidly timed - instruction, equipping, enactment, cleanup, gift shop, etc - so that there could be as many people as possible that get in and out on a given day. Let's see... |
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8 working hours, say 15 minutes of rampage at a crack (excluding setup, instruction, etc....), that's 32 runs a day. (of course, we'd want probably 12 hours, noon to midnight [who wants to shoot people at 8 am?]) Charge, say, $100 per run. That's for the instructional class, ammunition, everything. Come's to $3200/day presuming full enrollment. Let's say we're running 12 hours a day at 50%, that's... uh... $2400/day? minus actor's salaries, ammo, insurance... It's gonna take quite a while to payoff your investment capital. Franchise it, sell t-shirts ("We kill more people before 10am than most criminals kill all day"), vend food and drink, offer discounts for return business, special expanded training classes... ah, hell. Now it's a killing-themed park. But with the right marketing, it might actually make money in these dark times. |
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This would rock. Until someone slipped a real gun past security. |
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Oooh! I just realized another gimmick! People buy photos of themselves on a rollercoaster at Disneyland, imagine getting a pic of yourself mid-murder, framing it, and leaving it at your work desk. Your boss wouldn't piss you off anymore. |
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I'd like two tickets for me and my pal Afro to be the Bank Robbers 'in' "Heat" please.
(Gawd that was a great shootout) |
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How about a 'Jackie Chan" version? Recreating the finale for Police Story would be a blast. |
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If only dynamic wire-fu wires existed... |
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Is "westworld" that crazy ass movie with robots that act like cowboys and then try to kill that dude? |
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With the right business plan, something like this could be profitable. A sort of Disney World for people who hate Disney World. |
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Have several different scenario rooms (capable of, but not necessarily, operating simultaneously) to choose from. Staff requirements (and cost, as a result) would vary between scenarios — for instance, just one employee needed for the "western duel" but at least a dozen for the Matrix-style shoot-'em-up. Some could be set up like games, multiplying the profits by the number of players. Special tie-ins with action movies could bring a lot of attention to the place, too. |
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Maybe offer cheaper activities, like laser tag or paintball, to bring in people who can't afford the big stuff. |
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I'd go for this game, if only to be one of the actors. I remember the games of 'Best Man's Fall' my mates and I used to play as kids. Don't know if you have anything like this stateside: One kid stands at the bottom of the hill, the others at the top. One by one, the kids at the top get to choose the weapon of their own death and destruction - pistol, machine-gun, grenade, knife, rocket-launcher - and, by the power of mime, die horribly at the hands of the kid at the bottom of the hill. |
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Grenade was always my personal favourite, as this involved throwing yourself into the air off the top of the hill, hitting the ground at whatever angle and rolling down it like a lumpen, shattered corpse; I was quite good at it too, if I do say so myself. Gruesome but great fun - played it just the other week in the park for a laugh. |
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Also reminds me of a recent UK sitcom called Spaced, which had a scene in one episode where two characters avoid a pounding from a gang of thugs by pulling out imaginary guns - Butch and Sundance style - and "blasting" at their would-be assailants. The "innate telepathic communion forged between all men in adolescence" means that the others automatically do exactly the same, diving for cover like John Woo heroes, blasting finger-guns, throwing imaginary knives, dying horribly. |
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OK, so it's macho, puerile, adolescent, yah de yah; I'd rather play this than bloody football. Croissant. |
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Billy Connolly in Boondock Saints. Money no object. |
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The actors could be recruited easily and just for the love of it. As a child it was my dearest wish to be shot to pieces in a Sam Peckinpah movie. I've since done it myself with professional 'bullet hits' and it's really transformed my life. Got me a degree too, for what that's worth. There are others who'd pay just to be allowed to bring their own squibs and condoms full of 'blood'. Surely, aren't there?? Oh, perhaps ... |
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