Movie nail assortment box

Many action or adventure genre movies are described as having a "nail-biting climax".

This causes a number of problems; firstly, nails have neither a pleasant taste nor texture, the copper and galavanized ones being exceptionally disgusting when tested; and the plain steel ones, while unremarkable in terms of flavour, are certain to cause scratched and chipped dental enamel, damaged fillings, or wrecked dentures. Secondly, should the movie contain multiple episodes of "excitement", different sizes, quantities and types of nail may be required.

However, the Research and Development department of BorgCo's Confectionary, Fishing Lure and Coal Mining division have addressed this problem and come up with an ingenious solution; the new Movie Nail Assortment Box. Resembling a box of assorted chocolates, it contains a large selection of "nails" of various shapes and sizes manufactured from different food-grade products, from the merely "quite chewy" to "jaw-breaking". Under the hinged lid is a tiny red LED illuminator allowing the consumer to select the nail most appropriate for the on-screen situation at a glance; a helpful guide is provided with suggestions as to how far along the "nail-biting" scale any particular scene is likely to be.

Refill packs of individual nail types are of course available from the kiosk in the foyer, or by mail order direct from BorgCo. Please specify the exact part number when ordering as BorgCo are not responsible for any resultant dental bills resulting from mis-ordering Item # ES-40803J22-mxx.27504 (Red Anodized Titanium Nail 40mm) instead of Item # ES-408O3J22-mxx.27504 (Red Sugar Coated Toffee Nail 41mm). You have been warned.