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I’m sure every office has one. A person who just rubs you up the wrong way, gets on your nerves and under your skin – a person who, simply by being there, irritates the very bejesus out of you. And of course, because this is a work environment, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t just walk
away as you would in real life, you can’t forbid them from talking in your general vicinity, and you can’t make them wear a paper bag over their head for the duration of your working day.
So, from that grain of irritation comes this pearl of an idea: the Mouse Mace.
Similar in construction to the standard mouse, only a longer-than-average cable and its added weight belie its dual purpose. Made of dense black rubber (because you don’t want to damage your mouse when you wield it), when the end of your tether has been reached, you discretely rise from your swivel chair, with the Mouse Mace dangling from your hand by its cable.
Slowly you begin to swing the mouse around your head, gradually building up momentum as you approach the recipient of your ire as stealthily as you can. When in range, let loose with an explosive yet perfectly-placed blow that’s guaranteed to stop any annoyance in its tracks and ease your shredded nerves. Feel the waves of relief wash over you as you calmly walk back to your seat, having transformed the office into a zen-like haven of peace and tranquillity.
Retractable spikes are optional.
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Annotation:
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Having a bad day lostdog? |
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I wouldn't mind a keyboard where as when you hold it up and facing in the general direction of the opposing coworker, you press "Delete" and a volley of keybuttons go flying into their general direction. |
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Then "thwack" them with the Mouse Mace. |
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Good thinking, [skinflaps] - and with the simple addition of a strap on its underside, the keyboard would also make an excellent shield. |
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Ah, you see, I thought you were going to carve a hole out of your mouse and insert a can of mace. I think this would work just as well, and be slightly more subtle. You could surreptitiously blind the bastard. |
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I think that you may be onto something here [lostdog] "Medieval Total Office Supplies Wars" (Now what did I do with that trebuchet filing cabinet.) |
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totally was hoping this was a tiny can of mace that rodents could use in case of attempted date rape, thus lowering the mouse population. |
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The rodent chastity belt I'm currently working on will obviate that problem, k&x. |
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How about inserting the mace into their mouse? Next time they click the middle button, FWOOSH! |
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Mildly horrified that someone springs to mind. |
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<Sorry, I couldn't stop my elf> |
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Q. Why do mice have such small balls?
A. Not many of them know how to dance. |
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<Sorry, I couldn't stop my elf> |
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–noun 1. a clublike armor-breaking weapon of war, often with a flanged or spiked metal head, used chiefly in the Middle Ages |
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–noun 1. an instrument for threshing grain, consisting of a staff or handle to one end of which is attached a freely swinging stick or bar.
2. a similar instrument used as a weapon of war. |
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I think the freely swinging nature of the invention described is more akin to a flail than a mace. |
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So, not a chain of downmarket UK grocery
stores catering to the needs of our murine
friends, then? |
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[canuck] guffaw. stupidest joke. best laugh. thanks. |
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[lostdog], i wanna see a working prototype of that belt on my desk by morning. |
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As long as you don't have any specific morning in mind, that's a deadline I can meet. |
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