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Misfortune cookies

 It's time to make a good fortune not a given
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You've just enjoyed a fine night out at a local Chinese restaurant. The kung pao chicken was superb, with just a dash of MSG. Your cookie arrives and lo and behold - "You are woefully lacking in social skills, and your breath is deadly."

It would make a good fortune more valuable if you knew it was no longer a given.

—homunculus, Apr 05 2001

Penn & Teller's How to Play With Your Food http://www.amazon.c...9743111/halfbakery/
The now out-of-print book came with a sheet of fortune cookie strips that you can substitute for your friend's if you're devious enough. Some concern card tricks, others run along the lines of "That lump is cancer". [jutta, Apr 05 2001]

Bad Fortunes....are fun! http://www.badcookie.com
I only send them to people I like.... [Susen, Apr 05 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

"404: Fortune Cookie Message Not Found" http://www.bitterwa...une-cookies-go-daft
[hippo, Mar 25 2010]

(??) Misfortune cookies http://www.cookiemisfortune.com/
Life is solitary, poor, nasty, British, and short. [nomocrow, Mar 25 2010]

Misfortune Cookies http://www.thegreen...fortune-cookies.php
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Nov 03 2013]

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       An old friend of mine said that he went to a Chinese restaurant on the day his girlfriend broke up with him. He discovered flies in his rice, and then the fortune in his cookie read, "Just give up."   

       Now that's a misfortune cookie.
—1percent, Apr 05 2001
   

       my favourite: 'you like chinese food'.
—mihali, Apr 05 2001
   

       I stick with the following game to make the messages more interesting:   

       Just add "in bed" to whatever phrase you receive -- a sure fire way to spice up your message.
—Wes, Apr 06 2001
   

       The midwest version of that is to add "between the sheets" to all the fortunes....
—Susen, Apr 06 2001
   

       All your base are belong to us between the sheets?
—sirrobin, Apr 06 2001
   

       where else?
—Susen, Apr 06 2001
   

       You have no chance to survive make your time in bed.
—absterge, Apr 06 2001
   

       second favourite: 'that wasn't chicken'.
—mihali, Apr 06 2001
   

       beautiful typo from actual cookie: Money is the root of all elvis
—lsenater, Sep 26 2001
   

       some lovely ones friends have recieved (add "in bed" of course!)... "everyone agrees you are the best," "try a creative approach to problem-solving," and, of course, "enjoy more time with your family."   

       gotta love it. if i wanted weird ones i think i'd just make my own though...
—Urania, Dec 20 2001
   

       The first time that I went to a chineese restaraunt with my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time) I got a fortune that said, "He loves you as much as he can, but unfortunately that is not very much". Good thing that I got it instead of her!
—mwburden, Dec 20 2001
   

       another possibility: "you will witness a strange ceremony" ...
—spew, Dec 20 2001
   

       I recall an actual news story from a few years back wherein novelty ("sexy") fortunes were inadvertently placed in regular cookies due to some mistake at the factory or something. Needless to say, hilarity and embarrassment ensued. I'll never find a link. It's not really worth looking for, I guess; you get the idea.
—snarfyguy, Dec 21 2001
   

       Which is to say "Baked!"
—snarfyguy, Dec 21 2001
   

       Beware the Ides of March...   

       Meet me under the bridge in St. Louis...
—RayfordSteele, May 05 2002
   

       what about these? they're bound to make people freak out once in a while..."DUCK!" or "I know where you sleep" or "Don't turn around..." or even "i'm going to kill you!"   

       LOL LOL LOL   

       sorry folks, i had to.
—bifftannon, May 07 2002
   

       My two favorite cookie fortunes I have received:   

       1. "The Galactic Space Wizard will take you on a tour of the universe." (I'm still waiting)
2. "To eat is sex."
—waugsqueke, May 07 2002
   

       I got one that said "Buy the red car" a couple years ago. But I already had one.
—Tabbyclaw, May 23 2004
   

       From Michael Malone's "Handling SIn":   

       "You will go completely to pieces by the end of the month."
—nomocrow, Mar 25 2010
   

       The ultimate misfortune cookie would be the one on whose crumbs you choked.
—coprocephalous, Mar 25 2010
   

       Instead of "while in bed" these cookies would add "while in jail" or "when in intensive care"   

       lol
—Arcanus, Mar 26 2010
   

       //"You will go completely to pieces by the end of the month."// Huh. Must be last month's fortune cookie by mistake.
—mouseposture, Mar 29 2010
   

       Isn't this taken from an episode of "Home improvement"? with Tim Allen?
—twitch, Mar 29 2010
   


 

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