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We understand from previous HB postings that there is some sort of
problem with poaching of elephants.
This is hardly surprising; even a moderately sized elephant is going to
need a very large pan of simmering water, and will probably take days
to cook sufficiently.
So, to alleviate the
problem, BorgCo Labs have developed a line of
cook-chill microwaveable elephants for those in need of a large ready
meal.
Refrigerated storage container, stacker truck and 5MW microwave
oven not included. Product may contain large bones. Ensure product is
piping hot before serving.
Here you go, fits handily
http://www.magicleap.com/#/home
[theircompetitor, Oct 25 2014]
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Annotation:
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//Ensure product is piping |
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Don't they more normally trumpet? |
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Hmmm...gives me an idea... |
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[8/7], secret bagpipe afficionado. Who knew? |
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A more efficient way would be to feed the elephant
about 200-400g of 2,4-dinitrophenol. This would
uncouple its mitochondria, causing it to cook itself. |
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^^^I'd have to recommend any mitochondrial solution^^^ |
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The good thing about dinitrophenol of course is that with a
few hours soaking, you can wash it out of the meat,
preventing your own uncoupling issue. |
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No, the good thing about dinitrophenol is that it can undergo
further nitration to become trinitrophenol, a much more
interesting, delightful and amusing compound. |
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Even DNPH has its moments, but it's not the Real Deal. |
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And of course the metallic salts of picric acid can provided
milliseconds of stability and microseconds of shock-mediated
detonatory fun. |
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//you can wash it out of the meat, preventing your
own uncoupling issue// |
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Ah, but then you lose half the benefit. Not only is
DNP-cooked elephant meat tasty, it's also a weight-
loss aid. |
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Given the relative* safety of DNP, I think there's a
market for DNP-laced foods that have a net negative
calorific effect. |
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(*as in - I'd give it to my relatives) |
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I doubt the Elephants are going to endorse this. |
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P.E.T.A. is gonna get cha. Big time. |
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"Poached Elephant Trade Association" …? |
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"Waiter, there's some wire in my pachyderm soup!"
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"Not to worry, Sir. That's just hair." |
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Last week I read a great statistic: |
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In a lifetime, the average human being will eat the weight of 6 elephants. |
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I presume whoever calculated this thought you'd be swallowing the bones too. |
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Presumably the bones can be boiled up to make soup ? |
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Actually, depending on the cook, it's often hard to tell the
difference … |
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//depending on the cook, it's often hard to tell the difference |
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Ah, like any meal in Egypt (that isn't felafel, or baba ganough, or koshari*) or traditional Hungarian soup which ls like watery grit...or maybe I was just unlucky with that one. |
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Anyway, isn't anyone going to do the 1870 Paris Siege zoo menu? |
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* but that usually includes eating it quickly, before the cockroaches can make off with it. |
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// maybe I was just unlucky // |
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Quite the reverse; you were remarkabl fortunate. It's usually
much worse than that … |
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(tries really, really hard to say something nice about Budapest) err, you can go to Tesco's and buy a still...that's about it... |
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// say something nice about Budapest // |
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"From a distance, it can look quite nice at night, when it's
snowed, if you're just passing through and have no sense of
smell" |
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