h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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There are many plants that can produce hedges that are as
impenetrable and unscalable as any wall. So.
Step 1. use suitable techniques (eg, cluster bombs) to till the
land along the border, in a 50 yard strip. I expect [8th] will do
this for free.
Step 2. use those fire-extinguishing aircraft
to irrigate the
tilled strip. Include seeds for berberis, pyrocantha and dog
rose in the water. Maybe also a few Dendrocnide moroides
seeds if you're really serious.
Step 3. water from time to time.
After a while, you would have an attractive yet effective
border, plus flowers.
For extra security and edible fruit:
https://en.wikipedi...endrocnide_moroides
[MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 17 2019]
[link]
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Would there be a rockery with gnomes? |
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I believe the gnome is the current cause of the problem. |
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I would think Gorse would be more
effective than your two primary choices. |
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The Dendrocnide moroides sounds good but it's a rain-forest
plant & much of the proposed area to be planted is I believe
desert, so maybe not a practical suggestion that one. |
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So, some sort of sprinkler system, perhaps? |
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Paid for by a hedge fund of course. |
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Now, if you'd said that first, it'd've been funnier. |
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// I expect [8th] will do this for free. // |
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We will do it for reasonable out-of pocket expenses. You seem to expect us to do a lot of stuff for you, and your rotten family, for free <Extended bitter mumbling/> |
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// use those fire-extinguishing aircraft // |
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We have the sort used for dispensing Agent Orange, will that do ? |
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// the gnome is the current cause of the problem // |
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President Andrés Manuel López Obrador is 1.75m tall, not a giant, but hardly a gnome either. Also, there are no extant pictures of him wearing a pointy red hat with a bell at the tip. |
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//for free // Yes, but paying for things is so vulgar, don't you
find? I've heard there are people who will stoop so low as to
use money to get into Lord's or Wimbledon, and even
aeroplanes. |
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// use money to get into Lord's or Wimbledon // |
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So, blackmailing the committee with faked photographs, and then demanding free tickets "or the pics go to The Sun On Sunday" isn't "vulgar" ? Duly noted ... |
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We would like at this juncture to re-emphasise certain important points. |
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1. Plonking yourself in "the nice seats at the front, with the best view" is reserved for those who actually know how to work the bloody thing. It is not possible to fly an aircraft from the seat just forward of the luggage compartment. You can only sit at the front if you can produce convincing evidence of ability, which does not include any of a Ladybird book called "How It Works: The Aeroplane", a peaked cap with a Poundland tag still trailing from the rear, or a cardboard "badge" with "PLIeT" written on the front in green crayon and "Kelloggs Cornflakes" on the back. |
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2. "NO SMOKING" actually does mean "DO NOT LIGHT ANY CIGGIES, CIGARS, PIPES OR SPLIFFS" as the aircraft is rather old, slightly leaky, and runs on extremely volatile petroleum products. While the sign is in its way a health warning, it does not relate so much to long-term respiratory or circulatory disorders as to the imminence of being incinerated in a huge ball of white flame. |
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3. The radios are only for navigational and communications purposes. They can not receive the latest cricket scores, no matter how many times you ask. No, we cannot ask the man at ATC for you. |
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4. No, you can't. No, there isn't one. No, you should have gone before we took off. No, we're not going to be landing for a while. No, that window doesn't open, and anyway the slipstream would ... NO, NOT IN THERE ... |
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//the nice seats at the front, with the best view// the nicest
seats are the ones where someone comes round with
champagne every few minutes and food when requested. I've
also noticed that not even the plane drivers have fold-flat
beds in the front. This is why they are paid to do it, rather
than vice versa. |
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// not even the plane drivers have fold-flat beds in the front. // |
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There are clearly some technical details of long haul flying that you are not conversant with. |
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// This is why they are paid to do it, rather than vice versa. // |
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That is partly correct. They are mostly paid because they allegedly know what to do when things go wrong, which is the main reason for them being there. |
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It is not beyond the bounds of possibility that a group of people could hire a coach, choose one from among their number as driver on the basis of experience and clear driving record, and set off for a destination with reasonable expectations of arriving safely. Buses are really not that difficult to drive. |
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Aviation is, however, a little more challenging. Ironically, in case of an emergency in a modern civil airliner, the optimum backup pilot is not anyone with extensive experience in light aircraft, but the twelve-year-old video game fanatic who's had his head down playing on his DS since before pushback ... |
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//optimum backup pilot is not anyone with extensive
experience in light aircraft, but the twelve-year-old video
game fanatic// |
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Yes, I've heard about your airmanship. |
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Watering it would cost too much. You need to select plants that do well in the desert. |
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[Voice], that was a very practical suggestion. Stop it. |
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Can we not do a little gene splicing with something
with explosive seed
dispersal (just kinetic, not chemical, unfortunately) like
Himalayan balsam ("Policeman's Helmet", lovely pink
flowers, so looks pretty too) to concentrate some
sort of impact activated explosive compound in it's seeds? |
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// Watering it would cost too much. You need to select
plants that do well in the desert. // |
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Watering may be expensive, but trying to stop an invasive
species from spreading away from the wall could cost even
more. Install an irrigation system and use plants that
depend on the irrigation to survive. Then you'll have a nice
lush hedge that doesn't go wild and need extensive pruning. |
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// Watering it would cost too much. You need to
select plants that do well in the desert. // |
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Agreed, if hedge were to be situated about the
Northiness of Seattle it'd be no problem. |
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There'll be personnel guarding the wall, all of whom will need to answer the call of nature. Whizzing against the wall: immediate relief, moisture, fertilizer, all in one go. |
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// I've heard about your airmanship. // |
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And we've heard about your groundsmanship ... |
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<Wanders away humming "Happy moles are here again" /> |
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I'm happy to report that the Buchanan lawns are currently
mole-free. Some idiot cartwheeled a Cessna on the north-
east croquet lawn and, by the time we'd finished clearing up
the fuel, the moles had decided it was no longer safe here. |
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Yes, well, we told him. It's not like Flight Simulator, we told him. You need to have proper lessons from a qualified instructor, we told him. Did he listen ? No. |
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He's your brother, we can't be blamed. We only sold him the aircraft, filled it with fuel, and pointed it upwind for him. We even wrote brief instructions on a post-it note and stuck it on the houses lever for him, like in Independence Day. ("Pull lever, houses get smaller - push lever, houses get bigger"). "But I've watched Top Gun several times" doesn't confer any sort of flight qualifications. Besides's he's watched Star Wars - A New Hope too, and he's much more of a Jek Porkins than a Luke Skywalker. |
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It's just the base-jumping, and the top-fuel hydroplane racing, and the cave-diving all over again ... any normal person might have learned something by now, like "Do not walk up to a sleeping hippo and poke it with a stick, so that you can get better photographs before you shoot it." |
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You may have a point. On the other hand, he is still not
convinced that it's easier to learn to fly on a plane with only
one wing, before progressing to "twins". He also says you
need to be more consistent in your spelling of "lever". |
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Jobs! Mexicans will get paid for preparing the soil, planting, then landscaping (and fertilizing) the Wall, so they will not need to cross the border for US jobs. Americans will get paid for preparing the soil, planting, then landscaping (and fertilizing) the Wall, thus working off their angst/anger/excess cheeseburgers. |
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After a suitable period of time, once the Wall has done its magic, there will be no more need of the Wall, and it can be ripped up for compost. More jobs! |
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Once again, the 1/2B has created a practical idea; I'm really concerned about the fabric of reality. |
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//I'm really concerned about the fabric of reality// |
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I think we covered that recently, it's made of cheese. |
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No need to worry, [Sgt], it's been conclusively established some time ago that all this is happening inside [Ian Tindale]'s head. You're simply the product of a deranged imagination. |
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Is that Camel still in here (or was that someone else's
deranged imagination)? |
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If it's filtered, it's mine. |
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//We have the sort used for dispensing Agent
Orange, will that do ?// |
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Dispensing *with*, I presume you mean? Do you find
that straddling the Gatlin gun the A-10 is built around
uncomfortable or no? And why haven't you
dispensed with him yet per our contract? Is the
shutdown preventing takeoff? |
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Mexico has several borders. Which one is this for?
(Not that it matters really but just asking). |
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Well, given that Mexico's official name is the United Mexican
States, I meant the border between the United States and the
United States. |
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No wonder President Obrador is confused as to why he has to pay for it; it's clearly his wall. |
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