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Man Mall
For all the men who want to shop without being emasculated | |
It has been said that a man shopping with his spouse is, not to put it delicately, whipped. He will pay for the merchandise, carry the bags, and stand for hours while his wife asks rhetorical questions like "Does this make my butt look big?"; "her breasts are simply too big, aren't they? AREN'T THEY?!?";
and so forth. A man shopping is not seen as manly.
Even shopping alone has its troubles for the rougher sex. The perfumes, the female-targeted advertising, the ladies underwear department that Must Be Avoided... It’s just not easy.
I, for one, am a man who wants to shop. That’s right, I said it. I want to try on clothes, look at gadgets, and even pick out something for the kids sometimes. The modern shopping mall just isn't conducive to this purpose for my type.
I propose the Man Mall. This mall consists mostly of Manly Merchandise like power tools, gadgets, beer, sports, and so forth. There is nary a drop of perfume, not a single bra (except in the strip club), nothing that would distract from the stereotype. There is also a hidden entrance to a store that sells gifts for wives, girlfriends, and kids, but the knowledge of its existence may not be disseminated.
The Man Mall is a place for me to go and shop whilst being as Manly as I like. I'm no longer "going shopping." I'm going Man Shopping!
Cabela's
http://www.cabelas.com/
Don't expect the wifey to appreciate it. [lurch, Nov 05 2007]
Women are better at shopping
http://www.telegrap...2/eashopping122.xml
here's why [pashute, Nov 07 2007]
Russell Crowe digs shopping with his wife
http://www.celebitc...owe_to_be_baptised/
middle of the article [k_sra, Nov 07 2007]
[link]
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Relax, wear women's underwear, work on your marriage... or we confident men will call you *chicken*! ;) |
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Baked. Go to any hunting/fishing/hick store...Nothing girly in sight. |
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"Relax, wear women's underwear" |
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Nice enough to wear women's underwear? |
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Cabela's <see link> is absolutely what you're after. You wanna check out 106 different models of GPS, try some archery, get lost in the Camoflage department, or buy a quarter's worth of fish food to toss into the trout stream? Or maybe get a charcoal butt-warmer and a couple of bison burgers? |
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Within a year of opening the store here in Utah, it had become the state's second largest tourist attraction. |
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I think your mall might struggle if you insist on using the gayest tagline ever "I'm going man shopping" |
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Edit: Although Virgin megastore is a fairly male-oriented shop. |
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I always thought the seat outside the fitting rooms should have an xbox for the husbands/boyfriends/sons that have to sit there for hours. |
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[simonj] I've also thought that. I also thought you could sell things like suits and shoes in bars. Pubs could sell lesser items. |
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"I'll have a Carling and a screwdriver please Reg."
"Philips head?"
"That's the one, and a bag of rawl plugs" |
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I don't think there is anything unmanly about shopping, except for the fact that my man only goes shopping about one-tenth of the times that I do. When he does go, he spends a much longer time checking things out that I would ever dream of. If there were a *man mall*, all kinds of single woman and /or gay men would go there to try to pick up some men.
btw, I never take him shopping when I'm buying clothes--only girls go together! |
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Springfield, Missouri, has the original Bass Pro Shop for outdoor gear, and one of Grizzly Industrial's three showrooms for woodworking and tools. You have to drive between them, but no real man is going to object to that. Shirley? |
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You're probably scared to drink highly decorated cocktails, too. And what's a "gay undertone", bigsleep? |
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No crap Feargal Sharkey jokes, please. |
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Be simpler if mall's just marketed a "Guys Night Out" every once in a while. I said simpler, not less gay. |
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But I'm bunning this based on the following line of thought: More guy stuff means more guys, therefore more creepy guys. More creepy guys means fewer teenaged girls. Fewer teenaged girls means fewer teenaged boys, an overall reduction in teenagers of either gender. And that ain't bad. |
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"He will pay for the merchandise, carry the bags, and stand for hours while his wife asks rhetorical questions ..." |
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I think "he" just needs to clinch up his pussy and tell his wife "no." |
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Ever been to a junkyard? A used machinery dealer? A porn shop? A lumber yard? Man Malls abound ... unless of course you are looking for something frilly, in which case I suggest you do your shopping online. |
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I forsee little stripbars squeezed between deparment stores and feet away from hotdog stands. |
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Unfortunatley, a "man mall" would consist of only about eight outlets: |
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8: Secret store that sells gifts for the ladies in men's lives. |
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Sadly, selling firearms and power tools anywhere near alcohol tends to be a bad idea, and the gift shop would surely go bankrupt some time between christmas and valentine's day... or valentine's day and christmas, since it's hidden, and we can never remember aniversaries and birthdays anyhow. |
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Two words - Home Depot.
Personally I walk thru Sharper Image and Brookstone when she tries on clothes. |
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A Manly Man doesn't give a r@t's @$$ what anybody else thinks. If his companion needs her purse held, he holds it, same way he holds a coworker's sidewinder saw. If he's already out on an errand and the wife calls and asks him to pick up some FHS while's out, he gets them, same as he picks up a load of seed corn. |
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I have done both. And I might add, she was more satisfied with my choice of pantyliners than the ones she had been using for years. |
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What you think makes no nevermind. |
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I'm with [elhigh]. I hate shopping, but the more accommodating I am at "girly" times to the loveliest woman in the universe whom I was lucky enough to fool into marrying me, the more manly I feel. |
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Pick up tampons? No problem. I am the more man for it. Consider it - the check-out girl knows I could have helped her out in a pinch if she could have bagged me, unlike her "macho" man (read "repressed gender identity issues") who is less than useless to her. |
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I watch football every weekend, and I also watch the replays. I also watch Desperate Housewives with the same lovely woman. |
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Gentlemen, I submit to you that doing the girly stuff happily and with skill elevates testosterone. |
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Oh, man. When Lynette beat her cancer and Bree's daughter struggled to give up her baby, I was all teary-eyed. And my wife was asleep. |
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I find that more girls smile at me when I swagger right through "the ladies underwear department that Must Be Avoided." I think they admire my tenacity. |
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I'm hoping to go to a girly mall this weekend with a very girly woman. Yeah, I'll hold her purse while she tries stuff on. And I'll carry her bags. And I'll kick your ass if you have a problem with that. But you won't, you'll recognize me as the strong confident male to be avoided. |
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[monk], being that this IS the halfbakery and all
could you offer up some data supporting your claim ?
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//I find that more girls smile at me when I swagger
right through "the ladies underwear department that
Must Be Avoided." I think they admire my tenacity.//
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----------------
monk, Nov 07 2007 |
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I don't believe him either. |
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I also don't believe real men want to shop in a place where they have to walk and carry stuff. Dammit, that's why I drive a ridiculously over-sized pickup truck. I park right in front of the store, swagger out and toss my new toys into all that storage space, then drive to the next store, even if it's next door. |
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Why yes, my truck wears a lady's garter, it's hanging from the rear-view mirror. (Seriously, guys here have that in their vehicles--I think it's a wedding souvenir or something.) |
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I love the ladies' lingerie department. Seriously. |
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The men's underwear dept. is full of Manly Man colors, which are generally earth tones - the better to hide skidmarks, I'm guessing - and Businesslike Patterns. Bah. Women's undies are fun and colorful. There are, of course, the ICBM bras and the usual staid stuff like tighty whiteys men are stuck with, plus the usual architectural differences, but the women's stuff goes on to such greater lengths it's astounding. |
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My main attraction to the women's lingerie, though, is my wife. She looks great in some things, and even greater in others. Is it selfish to come along when she's shopping for delicates, to steer her toward the most flattering, the most complementary colors? Maybe. But I want her to look good not just for my personal eye-candy gratification, but so she'll know I think she looks good. We're trained from such an early age to place such importance on appearance that even when you've decided not to care about such things, it's really difficult to actually stop caring. |
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Plus it's a great place to flirt. "You'd look great peeling this off..." |
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On the more technical side... You wouldn't find an outlet willing to apply such marketing, way more profitable to cater for women than for us men. Women loiter, us men go straight to the point (except perhaps in strip clubs... then it's rather the opposite) and yet somehow I'm drawn to give this one a [+] |
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You'd think that non-loitering customers would be more profitable. This certainly holds true for restaurants. A store can only fit so many people in it at one time, and I'd think that a good in and out would keep the place looking busier, and attract more customers. |
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Isn't it just good manners, not to mention deeply pleasing and safer, to carry your wife's bags and be flattering when she needs it? |
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Or am I a reactionary throwback? |
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Also, I'm assuming people's use of the words "gay", "gayest" and so on means "not in the style of an aggressively shy hairy-backed macho trogolodyte who's scared to say "tampon" 'cos it makes him giggle and has not even the slipperiest grip on his less chest-beatingly sexist instincts" as opposed to "gay" as in "gay". |
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Emasculate yourself with retail therapy,
None but us can bargains find,
Have no fear of womens' lingerie
We have to watch the bottom line.
How long can we make our profits,
with people that don't walk around and look.
some say it's is just a part of it,
A line item in the ledger book.
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Oh won't you help me sing
These songs of retail
Cause all I ever have
redeemed coupons.
Redeemed coupons.
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Old pirates, yes they rob I
Straight from my magnetic strips
Minutes after I took it
From the 'alf price pit.
But my hand was made strong
'cause I'm credit worthy
I backwards in I repayments
Exponentially
Oh won't you help me sing
These songs of retail
Cause all I ever have
redeemed coupons.
Redeemed coupons.
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Now I *do* feel smug. My fella is dart-playin', football-kickin', beer drinkin', tool worshippin', week-long shower avoidin' carpenter and he's *great* to go clothes shopping with. He holds things, gives honest opinions and even finds more suitable things for me than I do. |
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I think he's figured out that if he helps, it's over quicker. Doesn't mind buying tampons either. |
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Tips for women shopping with men:
1. Have plenty of coffee breaks - do not, during this time, discuss relative merits of clothes seen but not bought.
2. Go to a shop that *he* likes at some point (comics or books always work with mine) and buy him something nice.
3. Be reasonable. Do not return to same shop multiple times on same day, try on shoes 15 times and still buy nothing.
4. Do not take the kids along. Really.
5. Do not get cross when he's getting bored - wrap it up, sister!
6. Make or buy him a lovely dinner afterwards for being a good boy. |
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7. Pat him on the head and give him a biscuit. |
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Man, I think you're on to something. A biscuit for you. |
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I don't agree with 5 and 6. |
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5, because boredom is a fact of life. If you're bored here, you'll be bored there. just give it time.
6, because this type of this should already be happening. "Cook with reckless abandon" -- dalai lama
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7 on the other hand... ;) |
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Hey, [squeak] - if you can somehow package that into an idea of its own, I'll bun it. |
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My solution to boring shopping trips - don't go on one. I decide beforehand that I'm with the most interesting person I've ever met, and even if she's doing something I'd rather not, at least I have someone engaging to talk to. |
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And I bring a book, just in case. Because sometimes she meets a random stranger and strikes up a conversation with that person that is a complete snorefest. |
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The Man Mall should also have a performance auto parts store and a shooting range. |
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Noexit says: I'll kick your ass! I am threatening this because I
don't have to prove how manly I am! But I wont have to
because you'll avoid my manly form! |
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