h a l f b a k e r yProfessional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.
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Magnetic Fly
Ever been told to XYZ (Examine Your Zipper)? This new zipper will solve your problems. | |
This invention is pretty simple. Instead of the usual zipper on your pants pockets, what if the zipper were magnetic? It could connect to a magnet on the top of the pants, and would keep the fly from falling down. It would be an easy way to get away from (XYZ) embarrassment!
What's wrong with
http://www.velcro.com/ ? [DrCurry, Aug 20 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[link]
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This doesn't solve the most common problem of forgetting to zip. Just don't wear any pants if you are tired of everyone laughing at you. |
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I was thinking maybe pants could just have elastic lacing through them so that men could Free Willy and then put him back easily, and you could just pull your pants up and down. They could even have a fake zipper to keep up appearances. |
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Anyway this is a damn good idea, and practical too. And it's not the least bit feline-related. Croissy. |
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Is that a magnet in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Where do you keep the magnet? If it's in the trouser pocket, then the zipper will drop. |
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It's a cool idea, but I'm picturing playground bullies with magnets... |
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How about a popper near the top of the trousers (US: 'pants')- just below the button. This would be hidden under the flap when trousers are fully attached. The zip puller would have the other half of the popper. |
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Don't stand to close to anything that will attract the magnet in your fly! People might start to wonder why you're having so much fun with that street sign. |
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I feel sorry for the Price Albert types too. |
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What's wrong with buttons? |
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Cinderella kicked him in the zipper. |
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dag: perhaps, the Prince Albert types could have their own magnetic locking device to hold the meat 'n' potatoes in place before zipping. |
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I can imagine that you might have to look in the mirror in dismay and wipe off all the paper clips and iron filings from your fly. |
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Be wary of demagnetizing pads at checkout counters.. "Oh shit, my trousers have just come undone... but why?" |
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Do not place bank cards, credit cards, ATM cards, or your crotch on this pad! |
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// Prince Albert types // |
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And all the Americans are left scratching their heads at that reference... |
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Prince Albert types also refers to the insane people with genital piercings. |
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<no innuendo> I consider that this idea is incompatible with laptops, in that one would run the risk of degaussing one's hard drive, or any floppy disks place in or near the Magnetic Fly mechanism. Hence, fishbone. </no innuendo> |
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Why a fancy magnet? Why not just an ordinary clip at the top of the fly which can hold onto the zipper-unzipper, or a safety pin. |
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Another good way to prevent zipper unzipping is to zip a piece of felt into the teeth. |
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I'm also slightly (read really really) worried about flipping winky the one eyed water wizard out to urinate and have blinky the magnetic zipper decide that its time to zip, so what i propose is this. rather than use a permanent magnet, use an electromagnet. mount a small pbno switch inside of the snap. when the pants are snapped the pbno comes closed and energizes the magnet located at the top of the fly. zipping up the zipper. |
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on another note, the whole fly would become magnetized making it hard to move the .... part that moves up and down... whatever that may be called. so i would suggest making the zipper itself out of something non magnetic and making the .... part that moves up and down..... magnetic |
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what happens if I stand too close in line to a woman who
has the magnetic fly on the back of her slacks ? |
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"Your honor, I now call the defendant, Mahatma, to the
stand"... |
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