MP-3

This is a little like my "gainy image compression"

MP3 files compress audio with some loss of quality. MP-3 files, on the other hand, expand audio, resulting in a bigger file with extra audio features. Waveforms are interpolated, sometimes fractal, to increase the sampling rate, individual instruments are mapped on to a virtual orchestra layout in surround sound if the file is merely stereo, rustling of pamphlets, coughs and muttered and whispered conversations are added almost imperceptibly, the acoustic properties of different venues are modelled, rock concerts have whistles and people singing along added plus the striking of lighters and almost silently burning flames, people get up and go to the loo. Weather conditions are taken into consideration and wind and rain sounds added. Accidental slides along guitar strings augment notes and the sound of musicians breathing added to non-wind instruments.

The whole format is proprietary and includes a fee paid per file, and per play, having set up a direct debit, of the file, which is ten times larger than the uncompressed version. The hyphen or minus is only noticed by those in the know leaving others to wonder why the file is so big and won't pay. Or maybe they just won't notice and they'll only be left wondering why their device only holds a hundredth of the tracks it used to, all unplayable.

I miss the "evil" category.