Lurvelight

The couple wear two rings of dissimilar metals. On special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries and Stalking Encouragement Day, known to some as Valentine's Day, they each swallow a sponge on the end of a string and leave it in their stomachs for a while to soak up the acid. This is then swathed in a plastic bag via a special jigger thingy operated through the string and removed to avoid ulceration in the upper gastrointestinal tract, then pulled up and out. Wearing protective gloves, they then wring out the acidic stomach juices to mingle them in a small jar, take their rings off, wrap wires round them and immerse them in the fluid, thus creating a battery. The wires are then connected to a heart shaped neon tube, a chip and a little tinny speaker which plays Their Song in an annoying doorbell sort of series of bleeps over and over again. This forms the centrepiece of a quiet, romantic meal together in a darkened room lit only by the light of their digestive juices which they eat to satisfy their hunger and celebrate their love for each other. Aaah!