h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Working in a call centre is dull. I've done it, the best you
can expect is to ask someone called "Dr Livingstone" to call
you back, just so you can use the line "ah, Dr Livingstone I
presume". No one laughs. So, to compensate the workers
I recommend removing some of their air. This would
simulate
the air pressure experienced at an altitude of
say... 4500metres. (new employees can work in the
2000m room....). The advantage being that they'd be
altitude trained for life, the company football team would
probably do well, the risk of fire would be slightly
diminished, heating bills would be lower in winter, and
you could attract off-season athletes and climbers, who'd
probably work for peanuts, or protein bars or something...
[link]
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// athletes and climbers, who'd probably work for peanuts,
or protein bars or something // sad but true :) [+] |
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While you're mucking around with the air supply, I
think it should have added Helium, for comedy
effect. |
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Why stop at call centers? Surely there'd be efficiency gains across the board. You could even use it as a perk or punishment-style thing. You only completed 3 cases, today? Well, your keycard now only lets you into the 4500m room. Your team did exceptionally well this quarter? Say hello to your new window-seat office in the 100m room! |
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But would they still use high-pressure sales tactics? |
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I also think that the bane of call centres.... the
constant ringing and the sound of all the other
"operatives" chatting away, would be somewhat
attenuated. I'm not entirely sure, but I think low air
pressure would cause sounds to diminish more with
distance than in full pressure. |
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Would the absence of leadership constitute a power vacum? |
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"
Press '1' to add more oxygen to the call-centre
Press '2' to reduce oxygen in the call-centre
Press '3' to increase atmospheric pressure in the call-centre
Press '4' to decrease atmospheric pressure in the call-centre
Press '5' to increase temperature in the call centre
Press '6' to decrease temperature in the call centre "
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Add some NO2 for guaranteed
office laughs. Bun. |
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I think this merit. I'm considering lowering the pressure in
my house, just for the fitness benefits. |
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Oh, wait, I already live in the mountains... |
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This would also provide an excellent employment
opportunity for Sherpas with vertigo. |
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//Add some NO2 for guaranteed office laughs.// Alternatively, if you find dissociative euphoria more amusing than a ghastly death as your lungs fill with blood and acid, consider N2O. |
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Croissant for the vomiting. |
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If the call-centre is sealed it could alternatively be filled with water, and the staff could be given scuba gear. |
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by "sealed" I assume you mean filled with seals? |
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No, he meant applying that Seal guy, the singer. The one who harassed Eleanor Widmer, although the internet has been carefully scrubbed of the tale. |
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She was an eighty-one year old restaurant reviewer when she passed in 2005. A few years prior to that she attended a Seal concert, an avowed fan of his latest album. She got back stage on the strength of her press credentials, and when she arrived Seal roared " YOU HAVE COME TO SPY ON SEAL!" and had security remove her, and his limo driver took her home before the show began. |
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Methinks somebody had access to a little too much coke that night. |
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