Llyswr

(Title edited after [MaxwellBuchanan] correctly pointed out that the original title- 'Llaser' - in fact contains two vowels, and would therefore exhaust the entire annual supply of non-consonants in a single word.)

Note that "Llyswr" is rendered into human speech as "Llaser", pronounced "Llllllllllllllllllay - zer" with a silent "-".

Representations have been made to the Public Relations arm of BorgCo (That's the arm holding the directed-energy weapon by the way) that we ought to do more to demonstrate corporate social responsibility.

When we finally stopped laughing and realised thay the supplicants were serious and not just engaged in some form of standup comedy, we turned the problem over to our PR consultants, Slater-Nazi.

To our surprise, they suggested we could get some good publicity at practically zero cost through a foreign aid programme, specifically, targeting the welsh.

Quite why we would want to clock even a single data bit to do anything for that bunch of sheep- shagging rain-soaked xenophobic miserable dirty subhuman leek-munching taffs was not clear, even on the fifth repeat of the presentation, although that might be due to the extensive buffet lunch with unlimited free alcohol halfway through the first presentation.

It eventually became clear that, by championing technology transfer to the West side of Offa's Dyke, we can seem to be a model of corporate probity. The fact that the "technology" is in fact Widely Known To Exist on the rest of the planet is irrelevant. For example, three initiatives that have met with a modicum of success are "How to use caves to come in out of the rain", "Daylight- the great facilitator", and "The joy of sticks".

However, some of the governmental and charitable bodies from whom we have cadged enormous amounts of tax-free money (most of which has, of course, been absorbed by overheads, travelling expenses, research, cultural awareness training and paying [MaxwellBuchanan]'s sherry bill) have become annoyingly insistent that we should include a "high-tech" element in the overall programme.

Fortunately we had anticipated this and the Borg in the Back Room were already developing something appropriate, scaleable, sustanable, but above all incredibly cheap to provide.

And so, Ladies and Gentlemen, we present to you the device which will literally be a shining light to the recipients- the LLYSWR!

Yes, we know it's just a bit of wood on fire at one end, but some of the cleverer ones can almost understand it after a few years of training, and it can be manufactured locally- the only bit they have to import is the actual dry wood, all vegetation in the Principality being permanently sodden and waterloged. And it's more than good enough for that bunch of ignorant whinging misanthropes.

Cheer up, wales ! The dull flickering orangey-red heat of technology is coming your way any century now !