Lip Tape

You could spend years in Hollywood, sleeping your way into parts, slowly getting famous enough so that when you go home to the little town you grew up in, people will notice you at the mall. Like they notice me. “Oh my goodness,” they squeal, “isn’t that Pluter!” You could do that, sure, but maybe you’re not as patient as I am. Maybe you don’t want to dally with those disgusting producers and directors. Maybe you’re the kind who wants a shortcut to recognition?

So here it is, developed just for you—folded lip tape. And I’ve trademarked it too. I call it: LOOK AT ME!

It’s an almost invisible adhesive on a release paper, cut into the shape of an oval donut with an oval hole in the middle. The adhesive is similar to rubber cement.

DIRECTIONS: Place around mouth. Remove the paper backing. (It looks like nothing’s there—am I right?) Fold or roll your upper lip upwards and your lower lip downwards so they stick to the skin of your face. This produces really big lips and a toothy smile. Now, go out to mall. “Look,” they will cry, “it’s—” Well, you can just imagine.