h a l f b a k e r yContrary to popular belief
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Instead of giving serial killers and assassins cool names like
"The Jackal", "Jack the Ripper", and the "UNAbomber",
saddle
them with names like "The Maggot", and "The Worm" so they
don't gain any positive reinforcement for their actions or
become idolized and emulated by teenagers.
I
was originally thinking they should be labelled with
embarrasing names such as "Mr. Floppy", but it's a bit harsh
on
relatives of the victims to tell them their loved one has been
killed by "The Small Part" or some such, and then they have
to
live with that. So.. just something unpleasant.
[link]
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I dunno; I think "The Maggot"'s a pretty cool name... |
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Maybe names like "The Dummy," "The Bastard-Head" or "The Guy Everyone Hates" would be better |
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Yeah, I admit it's a tricky one.. for instance I think "The
Guy Everyone Hates" is pretty cool, like a WWF wrestler
name, but "The Bastard-Head" is a winner. I love that. |
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Jim, I'm giving this my croissant for the simple reason that you truly care how the victim's families might suffer. Bravo! It's my opinion that perps will die sooner than later and it won't really matter what people say about them then. My opinion's wasted in a pissing contest with such diseased personalities. |
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Let's include movie villians in this one, especially the ones that are made out to be misunderstood heroes forced by the evils of society into a life of crime. Is it Rrrraaambo? No, it's Flubbie Dinkhead! |
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Examples like 'The Worm' and The Maggot' still make me think of bad things. The Bastard-Head is better but is still a bit naughty therefore being only slightly scathing. What about names of bad taste such as The Menstruate or The Tampon? Or even gentler things like The Flower? I can't see any male criminal wanting to be named after the time of the month.
However, I like the idea. |
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Amen.
{{{{{{ShimmeringFlashback}}}}}}After he'd been caught doing the same... I called a kid 'dogfucker' - clear across Campus 25 years ago - during lunch - THEN the school knew about it{{{{{{{/ShimmeringFlashback}}}}}} |
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"J Edgar Hoover" would have meant different things at different times. The same as "Nazi" would have meant different things at different times to different people. The name given to an offender is arbitrary, so why change it? It'll only make he/she look like the victim of some media conspiracy. I say, ensure that the name of the offender is well associated with the crimes he or she has been convicted of. |
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(Apologies for the localised dialogue to follow) Australian 'bakers, look at Pauline Hanson. That wouldn't have always been such a scoffed at name... |
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Would Her Majesty's Secret Service have even taken note of the doings of Dr. Undecided? |
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Or "Brownfinger".
[sdm] You can fit the name to the crime once you know
who they are, but until then you'll be needing a moniker. |
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Surely names have to be associated to their crimes e.g:
The 'menstruator' only strikes periodically
and is a warm blooded killer.
The 'Tampon' kills women in their own pad and no strings attached. etc. etc. |
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That's puntastic! Take that humorless feminism! |
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What about Conan the Embroiderer? |
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Mephista: apologies, but it does work both ways. i can't see many female criminals wanting to be called The Scrotum or something esle masculine that I can't think of. |
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Additionally, you could mock the criminal's appearance in the name. "The fat guy with the ugly nose," "Bill Gates wannabe," or "the criminal who walks like he has a glass bottle lodged in his ass and sounds like Woody Allen." As a bonus, these names may also keep people on the lookout for villains matching these descriptions and attack them with a pencil. |
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Keep a lookout for "The guy with the afro who attacks
people with a pencil." |
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Afro-- you've got it! Just call them all Woody Allen. |
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("... coming up on tonight's news, a vicious assault by Woody Allen and a string of gas station robberies by Woody Allen...") |
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grandiloquent popinjay, venal pettifogger, nefarious miscreant, flagitious recidivist, sententious blatherskite, mawkish ditherer, arrant peculator, irascible misanthrope, hubiristic narcissist, feckless sycophant, vituperative virago, vapid yahoo . . . et cetera |
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To get the best results with this new naming convention, criminals should be assigned their embarrassing new names when first sent to their cells. |
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"Okay, we've got Pansy-Ass Crybaby in with Bipolar Dickwad ... SuperFart, you're in with The Spewer." |
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I remember back in grade school I was always followed around the playground at recess by a misguided little kid who was jealous that I possessed my father rather than he (the kid) did. The little kid always called me "Mr. Green Head." I always felt like a comic-book villain, but without the x-ray sense of smell or anything neato like that. |
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You know me so well, [bristolz]. |
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How about simply prefixing every criminal's name with the adjective "Wee" - e.g. "Wee Charlie Manson"? (I understand he is actually quite short). It's dismissive and condescending, therefore affording less status than a complex insult which implies that the criminal is actually "worth" giving a damn about. It could, of course, be expanded upon, if so required - "That Wee Gobshite...", "That Wee Nyaff...", "That Wee Bawheid..." [pr. 'boh-heed', trans. 'testicle-head'] |
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[Rods] It's "less cool" as in "make them less appealing",
rather than "not so many of them." Any more mistakes like
that and we'll throw you out of the PA.| — | Jim,
Sep 06 2001, last modified Sep 18 2001 |
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Guy Fox, everyone round the world (almost) knows the diminutive 'wee', but it is more likely to be considered a term of endearment than one of belittlement. I like your idea but suggest we employ the Latin diminutive '-olys' (I don't know the original spelling) which will be more confusing and therefore more likely to be used inadvertently, which is pretty much what we want, right?
Today, Mansonolys escaped from a high security unit... A Brazilian rent boy has been paid 25,000 pounds sterling by a UK tabloid for exclusive rights to his bleating sobstory on the failing health of the clapped-out old London gangster, Reginald Krayolys. (hee hee, Crayola) |
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Well... maybe... but I'd think the last thing a rufty-tufty criminal wants is that patronising (and thereby ballbreaking) verbal *pat-on-the-head*. I reckon they're used to the hostile exchange of open insults and may well be proud to be considered a "bastard"; on the other hand "wee man" is often used here as the direct opposite of "big yin", a term of respect and renown. Indeed "wee man" is often used by neds and criminal types as an insult laced with menace: |
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"A'right rer, big yin."...
"Oy, wee man. C'mere."...
Compare and contrast. |
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Still... Krayolys, Crayola... snigger |
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No [UnaBubba] just a love for oddball words at work . . . |
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The Premature Ejaculator. Mr. Underarm Odor. The Pedantic Pedophile. |
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I vote we name them all after really dumb movies, lousy actors, TV shows that bombed, or boy-band members. |
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Talk about your deterrents... |
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Seems that the news media usually refer to the perpetrator as "the gunman", before s/he has been apprehended, when the crime involved the use of a gun. "Gunman" is probably meant to be neutrally descriptive, but just sounds too glorified. "Poopy- pants gunman" ? 'The poopy-pants gunman was last seen fleeing the scene in a beat-up pick-up truck with out-of-state license plates.' |
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The term "gunman" is a propaganda term used to make people equate guns with evil. |
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If we started calling all criminals one name, for instance, John Ashcroft, we wouldn't have any more problem:) Since this name denotes a criminal mentality anyway, why not? If you don't know who he is, you're missing out,... actually you aren't. |
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Tim "Lil' Wiener" McVeigh. |
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I think the relentless use of their full name in every reference would do the trick, when was the last time anyone included your middle names during a form of address that wasn't deeply negative. If they don't have one- make one up like Cecil or Alphonse. And including a foreword from the victims families in the current crop of criminal biographies (thats biographies of criminals) might help provide a counterpoint to the sickening celebration of violence they peddle. |
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I remember in the news a few years back some small town was having trouble with a gang of ruffians who hung out on a street corner and called themselves "The Crawford Street gang" (or something like that) after the name of the street. The town had tried everything to get rid of these guys to no avail- until someone had the idea to change the name of the street to "Pansy street". Much to everyone's delight, the gang did break up or at least stop hanging out there because everyone started calling them "The Pansy Street gang"! |
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The bit about being harsh on relatives made me laugh.
"I'm afraid your son's been murdered, Mrs Smith. We believe it may be another attack by the serial killer Mr. Floppy". |
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I don't think the name really has to go with the crime. The point is to make the perp feel ridiculous about the crimes. Who would want to be called The Tampon, male or female! Surely no one would brag about crimes committed if there was a bad name tagged to it. "Hey man, you know the string of bank robberies committed by The Bedwetter? That's me alright!" |
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Home Alone: "The Wet Bandits" |
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