h a l f b a k e r yAsk your doctor if the Halfbakery is right for you.
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Benevolent employers offer their employees the option to sacrifice some of their maternity/paternity leave in advance in order to maximise their chances of conception.
This would be beneficial for whose work schedule and lifestyle affects their energy levels to such an extent that they cannot keep
up the diligence required for them to conceive.
Truly benevolent employers will not require proof that the preternity leave has been spent productively.
Any comments/enhancements would be welcomed. Links to 'best sex positions' sites are not necessary.
[link]
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Working in an area where even taking maternity leave indicates that I'm some kind of wuss (I should give birth in the lab or something), I doubt it would take on, but that doesn't mean I'm not all for it. Company sponsored nookie. Great. Would conception have to take place at work? |
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On-site conception would not be mandatory, but would demonstrate dedication to getting the job done. |
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Would you have to prove your intent to conceive? If you failed to produce a baby 9 months later would they dock your wages? |
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More to the point if I promise never to take my maternity leave can I increase my holiday allowance instead? |
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I keep getting stuck on the idea of having onsite conjugal visit trailers. "Hey, I'm gonna be a little late getting back from lunch. The wife is ovulating, but the nearest trailers were already reserved, I had to get one over at the research building." |
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My cousin's wife made him alter his lunch break
depending on when she thought she was ovulating (she
had it down to the hour). Everyone on the jobsite knew
what was going on, and he got endless ribbing everytime
he'd rush home for a quickie. He thought he should get
to leave his boots on to do the deed to balance out the
crap he took at work, but she'd have none of that. |
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doesn't anyone want to put in an honest day work, he asked, typing a halfbakery annotation? |
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Would also hos and gigolos be “laid off”? |
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I don't know, I'm feeling left out here. Those of us who have made a conscious choice not to breed, and have taken preventative measures should be offered some kind of cookie as well, for not burdening the systems with additional resource requirements. |
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Can I go out for quickies also, or is this privilege only for compulsive breeders ? |
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You can have a smoke break or a nookie break, but not both and if you don't do either, you get a "floating holiday" to pursue the leisure activity of your choice. |
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Tell the truth, I can't think of anything less romantic than office-sanctioned love-making. Gag and barf. Keep them the hell out of my love life, please! |
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We're not talking about love-making here, but copulation.
Can be more of a chore than not, after several months or
years of trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. |
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Don't let your wife hear you say that! |
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or your husband as the case may be. |
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what have you heard about my husband? |
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he says that conceiving as a concept is much overrated |
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<tells wife> Yep, she agrees with me. But she also hates
the phrases "make love" or "love making" anyway, so I
guess we're a bad example of normal tastes in this arena. |
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So, your "cousin's wife" had it right, I guess. Whatever floats your filial boat! |
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That really was my cousin. Well my wife's cousin, to be
exact. We used a different strategy that didn't nail it
down to the hour, but involved four days of doin it as
much as possible, based on my mother-in-law's
reccomendation, as she is a nurse in a fertility clinic. All
in the family, I guess. See, it really was my cousin, since
now it's all out there, I have nothing left to hide. |
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//is this privilege only for compulsive breeders ? // |
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norm - I wouldn't say it is for compulsive breeders, more for long-term 'tryers'. |
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oxen crossing - your wife prefers the term 'nail it' to 'make love'? |
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I'm sorry, did you say you married your cousin? Doesn't that make your mother in law your aunt? |
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This is really less fun after you've given up. |
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"Leave to conceive" ? What do you think the photocopy room is for?! Sheesh - next you'll be wanting to go home at night! |
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[DrCurry] My boss lets me go home at night... but I am not convinced that is not the best time of day for conception. What could be better than a week off to dedicate yourselves to cover all bases. |
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[kropotkin, lolo] I think some intention would need to be demonstrated to take this leave. I'm not sure how what process would need to be in place to do this tastefully. |
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I am on holidays for three weeks starting today... so who knows, this may not be required. I'll let you know. Or not. |
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[UB] You are no doubt right, but sometimes management won't approve my holidays. |
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"Sorry but if you want to have time off to make babies, you'll have to bring a doctor's certificate." |
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[UB] I agree. Sometimes those lifestyle choices take some time to change though... |
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Damn. Now I've only got this floppy half croissant to work with. The missus is *not* going to be pleased. |
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"Bring Your Spouse To Work Day" |
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Once more, I'm forcing myself to sit on a link. |
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'Quick' is my middle name. One of them. It's between 'Danger' and 'Adspace'. |
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I think you need somehow to
beable to proove, for the less
benevolent employers: |
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The couple is not infertile (I know
this is a gray zone) |
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The couple is not having sex for
fun (at least not exclusively.) |
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Maybe the employee has to wear a
non-removable Alfred E. Neuman
or Abraham Lincoln mask. Again
just for the non-trusting
employers or after 2 years of
trying. |
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It would still be cheaper (even with
massive fraud) than fertility
treatments... what with the high
prices and the frequency of
multiple births etc. |
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*Enters through front door* "Honey, I'm home!"
*Back door slams*
^Sees boss outside^ "Hi, chief!
*Startled* 'Oh, hey, yeah, uh, OK, well, good. Check. Later!'
*Wife enters, carrying sheets* ^overenthusiastic^ Hi, honey! Well, hey! I better this in the laundry!... |
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[DadMan] has hit on a couple of the areas that employers would want demonstrated before agreeing to this leave... |
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and [thumbwax] seems to be suggesting that the boss would want to reduce the amount of leave he needs to grant by sleeping with his employees' wives? Brutal. |
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Perhaps companies should buy
back maternity leave time in
exchange for a voucher towards
fertility treatments, for those in
need of such a service. I'm sure it
would be an interesting
experiment if nothing else. |
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You don't get much choice about the time taken to actually have the baby, at least not if you're the female. |
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There is definitely a difference between lovemaking and copulating. The former should take hours. The latter should take minutes. The former should never be work, and should never become boring. The latter can become a "chore" pretty quickly. As I'm still childless (and intend to remain childless for some time to come) I haven't had to deal with the latter, but I've worked with someone who has. He loves his wife, but he came to hate the everyday quickies. |
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Heh, funny this one should float back up... right at the time I am able to withdraw my leave request. :) |
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[Z] - I can relate to your friends' plight, although despite three years trying we never quite reached that point... |
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So [Lacus] ....you are up the duff? |
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Or should that be.."You have a croissant in the oven?" |
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Infertility / impaired fertility is a very difficult thing. As I once said to Tom Cruise..'Flip her over Tom, you just aren't in the right place..." |
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*We* are... nearly 12 weeks. I unfortunately have no justification for any increase in my weight. |
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Once you start spending thousands of dollars to get pregnant, something's gone awry. If you've got money to invest in fertility gadgets and clinics and shots and still want paid time off to conceive.. just, adopt, for zaza's sake! |
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My wife and I tried artificial insemination 3 times - no luck. After a few years we gave up, and only then did my lovely daughter decide to appear.
There's a moral there somewhere. |
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