h a l f b a k e r yThe best idea since raw toast.
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One of the few good things to say about the death penalty is that it allows the soon to be deceased a last meal. The same could be said for when you are dying of a terminal illness. In fact in most situations when you know that you will die before it actually happens, you get a last meal. It may be a
poor substitute for continuing to live, but it at least allows you to meet your maker with a stomach full of your favourite food. However, this is not the case with parachuting.
If your parachute fails to open, you currently spend the next few minutes repenting for all the bad things you've done, then you become one with Mother Earth. However, if you have a Last Meal Parachute, you can open the sealed bottom pocket of your parachute pack and pull out a pre-made meal. You then get to contemplate your life whilst snacking on a good meal on your way down. Obviously some meals may be considerably less suited to this than others. Custard for example, would be inadvisable.
This would cost slightly more than a standard parachute to reflect the cost of purchasing and cooking the food. It would have to be ordered at least 2 days in advance so that the ingredients could be bought.
Of course, in almost all circumstances, this would be unnecessary. As there would be no refunds, and letting good food go to waste is a horrible thing to do, you would consume the food as a self-congratulation for a good parachuting session.
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Annotation:
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//Custard for example, would be inadvisable.// Peas would be tricky too at windspeeds of 125mph or so. It would have to be a relatively robust, solid food, so as not to blow off your plate, something like roast beef, dumplings and potatoes perhaps? |
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If my parachute failed to open, I think I would prefer to find a(nother) back-up chute in that bottom compartment, not food, however well it was prepared. |
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This is reminiscent, though, of those old adverts, where someone in dire peril stops to savor some brand of sweets that for the time being I've quite forgotten. |
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Pancakes might be fine, til a stray gust gets underneath them - perhaps with enough syrup, a wind-tight seal could be maintained, keeping the pancake from spinning off into the wild blue yonder. |
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Ha - steak tartare! Perfect! It might self-shape into something aerodynamic too. Mixing up the egg might be a tad tricky though as you're facing your final moments... |
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Will there be enough time for pie and coffee? |
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[DrCurry] I didn't intend for this to replace the reserve parachute. This would be a slightly larger parachute, with the food pocket being below the reserve. |
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This would be used on the extremely unlikely event of both parachutes failing. I just think it would be very Que Sera Sera to accept in such a circumstance that the cosmos realy has it out for you and that the best thing you could do is to eat a good meal. |
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I haven't bothered to read the annotations, but I know this: If my parachute failed to open and I still had time to open and eat a last meal, I'd spend that time trying to get my parachute to open. |
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Perhaps the meal could be eaten on the
way down after your parachute opens, but
before you glide into the high voltage
wires. |
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Eating the last meal after a safe landing is just asking for the universe to kill you in a car accident or something. |
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...Most likely in a car that has "instant win" airbags (courtesy, of The Onion).... |
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Or a really, really big marshmallow. |
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I'd prefer a reserve chute, if you don't mind |
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What if the final meal pouch doesn't open? |
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Plenty of cross-sell ideas in here as well. For those that way inclined, a Last Joint Parachute. Or perhaps a Last Jazz one, with a miniature DVD player or video iPod showing your favourite pornography. Ideal to kickstart a last session of self-abuse. |
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