h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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Have all the audience's eyes hooked up to those visual field recognition things, showing the point of focus at all times, and have a laser match the object of focus for each audience member. The devise would be turned on at the time of voting, a half minute allowed for everyone to focus on their favorite
contestant and the model with the most lasers pointed at her would win. As with all voting regimens in beauty pageants, it would also probably work for the U.S. voting system, seeing as nothing else does.
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I see an interesting couple of cheats developng. First, it might be possible for someone spectacularly ugly to win, as everybody stares at the caterpillar she has smuggled in on her upper lip. Alternatively, tattoo messages on your forehead in letters just too small to be easily seen. The audience will be caught peering at the writing, and hey presto! Instant winner. Let me know when you're holding this contest, I'll enter. I can be a fairly convincing girl, and I'm guessing I'll win by people staring at me while they work out whether I am actually a man. |
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...oops. That got a bit personal. |
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hmm... I hope the thirty second window will cancel out any stray dogs checking out the caterpillars and transvestites... Though a funny visual is a whole ensemble of different people, scavanging for attention, and all sorts of lasers darting all over the place as they continue to do so. |
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...and in news just in from Seattle, Miss Paraguay has been rushed to hospital after her crotch was set on fire during this evening's swimsuit judging in the Miss Universe Pageant. Organisers have refused to comment on reports that a new 'audience based laser judging system' was to blame. The designer of Miss Paraguay's daring swimsuit, Karl 'Camel Toe' Lagerfeldt, was also refusing to comment.... |
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Seems to me that using gaze detection and robotically aimed lasers is a bit over the top when you could just have everyone in the audience wear a laser-pointer hat. |
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What if everyone is cross-eyed? |
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