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Knotstem
for the tongue-ically challenged | |
I had a buddy in high school that could quickly tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue...coincidentally he also seemed to go on, what I thought at the time, more than his fair share of dates. There are probably numerous reasons for the differences in our respective date obtaining ratio, but
I am convinced that all of those reasons pale in comparison to my inability to orally twist those damn stems.
Enter the Bimetallic stem knotter.
Surreptitiously slip the stem into the curved metal cradle, cunningly camouflaged to mimic the stem's natural appearance, and pop it in your mouth.
The heat of your mouth causes the cradle to twist inwardly upon itself tying a perfect knot far faster than any buddy can hope to compete with.
Let's hear a testimonial from a satisfied trial subject.
"Since trying you product I've thrown away my hair piece, my platform insoles, And my rolled up sock."
"Thanks Knotstem!"
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sorry to spoil the illusion, but I think your friend had a pre-knotted cherry stem in his mouth and then switched with the unknotted cherry stem (and no doubt with a bit of theatrics added for effect). |
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Possibly, and I've met guys who claimed to have a formula ("Do the alphabet with your tongue"), but nothing tops enthusiasm, consistency, persistance, and, oh yeah, communication. |
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Um, I can tie a knot in a cherry stem with my tongue, sort of. I'm not sure if I do it right, as I can't spit out a perfect knot. I have to pull it tight between fingers and teeth on the way out, which is where the theatrics come in. Knot that I use this talent to get dates or anything, I just heard about it and bought a bag of cherries on a long car trip. |
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The bi-metallic knotter sounds a bit of a wish, and rather hard to use. It also sounds like a good way to wind with a disappointed date. |
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I can tie a perfect knot with a cherry stem in my mouth, tight and centered. I do not use my hands (only to put the stem in my mouth) and I am happy to share how with anybody who must know. |
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Ooh, tell me! It would be good to have a compensatory random talent to make up for my shameful inability to click my fingers. |
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If The Fonz has taught us anything, it's that finger-clicking is the key to getting dates - none of this frivolous stem-knotting. |
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Well not all of us can get the Fonz finger snap to work |
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If I could I wound not be her |
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The last half of that sentence was positively Shakespearean. |
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Aye! Wound be not her -
Her heart too fair to cruelly strike that blow;
Though fatal pain 't were for any man,
To sense her heart, and there to hope to go. |
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For he who Fonz's finger-snap dost lack,
Must needs fall short along that vain pursuit:
She does not desire a clever chap -
But just another finger-snapping brute. |
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[imaginality] you are a true righter of wonderful things |
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