Kipper Tie Kites

For all too many of us, the suit is a symbol of our lack of personal freedom. It's a uniform almost as fixed and rigid as the fatigues of the military. Every day, hundreds of thousands of us press-ganged souls don these bland work clothes like deep-sea divers, and plunge ourselves into the murky depths of corporate slavery for yet another day. The tie is a particularly concrete sign of our oppression - day in, day out, some of us have to tie this literal yoke around our necks out of financial necessity. It's no fun, yet it has to be done. Still, every time I wrap my tie around my neck, I imagine I hear the clinking of chains, and sometimes I swear it even feels like there's a heavy lead ball on the end of it.

So - let's turn this sad situation around. Rather than go for all-out revolution (which might make a mess of my neatly-pressed shirt), we'll lower our horizons somewhat and make Kipper Tie Kites instead. A kipper tie, for those not used to comparing neck adornments with denizens of the deep, is basically just a really wide tie. In my design, however, it has a thin spar running between the widest points, and another running from the top to bottom of the entire tie. The extravagant-looking Windsor knot at the top of the tie actually conceals a quick-release stud, which, when pressed (at coffee or lunch-breaks) disengages the kite-tie from its throat-based moorings. Hey presto - a tiny kite. The bit of your tie which you wrapped a few times round your neck in the morning before going to work can now be unravelled to form the long, ribbon-like tail of your little kite. Also ensconced within that faux Windsor knot are several tightly-coiled metres of string. Enough for you to fly your tiny tie-kite to your heart's content, and watch it soar far above your workplace and all the petty little rules that you have to adhere to if you want to get your paycheck at the end of the month.

No longer a symbol of servitude, your humble tie becomes a metaphor for your personal freedom as it arcs gracefully over the work cafeteria.

I also like the idea of the kite being held aloft by the updraft of like-minded collegues wearing those revolving bow-tie things. Obviously I have far too much time on my hands.