h a l f b a k e r yWhat was the question again?
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One pulls out the old rusty grill from the back corner of the garage to fire up the traditional American fare for the long weekend referred to as Independence Day (US holiday-July 4th) in a ritual known as the "cook-out." The often antiquated grills are so seldom used that they often require much tinkering
to start. It can often be emasculating when all the males gather around the outdoor range and, after over an hour of fiddling, and claim utter defeat. The piezo-electric starters wear out and the gas can't be ignited so the women cook hot dogs in the microwave while everyone is starving. The typical Fourth of July event is a shameful spectacle. The solution?
Key-Ignition on a barbeque grill could solve the problem. Imagine walking up to the stainless steel beast in the backyard and starting it up with a key. An engine start sound could be emmitted to simulate a classic muscle car ignition. The cranking sound of the propane grill would be accompanied by the "ooohs" and "aahhhs" of your family and friends. Your prowess as a man would be complete as the flames roll over your head and your feast is char-broiled to perfection.
It would also prevent any unwanted neighbors from starting and using your grill.
Spray-on Mud
http://www.guardian...996,1506025,00.html
Put this on [dbmag9, Jul 19 2005]
Sahara Dessert
Sahara_20Dessert
[coprocephalous, Jul 20 2005]
[link]
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I've seen grills with knobs the size of your fist. |
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How does this work for charcoal or wood-fired grills? |
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//make you feel like a real man// Funny that expensive cars now have push-button starters. |
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[bristolz] I was about to ask the same question - Plus, it's a well known fact that realmanliness is only achievable by cutting your own wood with an axe, digging a pit in the ground and then roasting a beast (freshly wrestled to the floor and killed with a humane crack of the neck whilst gazing empathically into the poor beasts glistening eyes - simultaneously communicating and appreciating the eternal cycle that is life and death) over it. |
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Damn. I thought this was 'Key-ignition
for girls." |
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//I've seen grills with knobs the size of your fist.
Kozi4361, Jul 04 2005
//
Then stop BBQing horses willies! - anyone would think you are French! |
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Or I should stop going to Home Depot. |
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Definite bun. The barbie should also have some whacking great bits of angle iron welded to it, and engineers would spend years of their life getting the noise of the flames to perfectly suggest the barely-controlled power within. It should be black, and it should loom over the backyard. Cats should be scared of it. |
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I'd like to suggest you call it the MadMaxThunderbroiler. |
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/Independence Day (US holiday-July 4th)/
Thanksgiving Day (UK holiday-July 4th) |
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I love this idea. Nothing is more satisfying that turning things on with a key ignition. Other ideas for key igntion include: your computer, your toaster, and your garage door, to name a few. |
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Add spray-on mud (see link) to look as though the last time you used it was in some remote dessert location, surrounded... |
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Barbeques are screaming to be over-engineered! |
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Being the domain of the summertime man (with a few lagers on standby of course), barbequeing is the ultimate display of the deft masculine control of fire combined with the artistic touch of producing fine cuisine. However, this is usually pretty far from the truth. |
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I digress... anyway. Several times in the past I have been called upon by friends, family or boredom and sun to build a barbeque out of whatever is going - bricks, angle iron, old metal tables, sinks (actually, sinks work really well!). |
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The only common factor between all of these creations is that they have all been massively over-engineered. My finest was probably a huge contraption of a grill made from concrete blocks and airbricks. Air was drawn through large cavities made from bricks and paving slabs, and up through steel ash-catchers, the charcoal sat on sturdy metal grids and stainless sleel grills topped it off. It was a beast. |
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It was an incinerator. Chicken blackened in seconds. Sausages... just dissappeared. The chef would end up with no arm hair or eyebrows and a nicely browned face. |
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Took a redesign and admission that bigger and hotter is not always best. |
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Several summers later, we had another bbq that was flagging. So we added forced induction - a couple of high-power fans designed for forced-air cooling in aircraft, and a metal drainpipe for ducting. |
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This was pretty much a blast-furnace, it was able to melt aluminium quite happily. Food was obliterated. We turned burgers to carbon slabs. |
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Since then I have developed a nice, quiet respect for boring, slow-burning charcoal trays, and the lovely food they produce. |
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However, I think the untimate barbeque should still have an engine in it somewhere, maybe to run fans, pump fuel, stoke coals, or just turn the rotisserie. Then the key-start is a must. Bun. |
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//Add spray-on mud (see link) to look as though the last time you used it was in some remote dessert location// Sahara Dessert? [linky] |
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//Can we add a flamethrower?//
thats what the engines for
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yes, just have a gas filled cavity with a grille on top and four sparkplugs along each side, that would really start things off with a bang.
Bun. |
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My dad used to start our old propane grill with a very simple trick that worked every time. He'd turn on the gas, put a burning piece of paper towel on the grill, close the lid, and walk back into the house. |
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Typically, there'd be a loud whoomph and bang sound within a minute, and the grill would be lit. The whoomph would be from the gas lighting, and the bang from the lid closing, having been lifted up by the small explosion. |
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