h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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A conventional ice-cream tub, made of paper or plastic, but with a
stab-proof kevlar liner.
Prevents injuries caused by, for instance, the user pushing a knife right
through the ice cream, the container, and some portion of their
anatomy when struggling to extract the deep-frozen ice cream from
the tub.
Also useful in reducing or preventing arterial spray, gravitational
droplets, difficult-to-explain bloodstains on clothing, and unwanted
trips to the Emergency Room of the local health provider.
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Annotation:
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Perhaps an alternative method of extracting the ice cream could prevent operator injury. I suggest the use of a heated scoop. |
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Always ask a grown-up to help you prepare food,
[8th]. |
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Oh, we're fine. However, helpful suggestions such as "Use a scoop dipped in warm water", "Let it stand on the countertop for a few minutes" and "Wear an oven glove" were ignored, and comments such as "If you carry on like that you're going to cut yourself, you know" were derided as "your usual unhelpful pessimism" and subsequently criticised as "another one of your bloody self-fulfilling prophecies". |
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The rejoinder, "Well yes, 'bloody' does just about cover it nicely" could very probably be characterised as "ill-timed".
Or possibly "insensitive".
Or most accurately, "suicidally stupid", particularly when addressed to someone who was in a bad temper to begin with, is now bleeding profusely from an incised wound, in very considerable pain, and still grasping an edged weapon in their remaining functional hand. |
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Who are you and what have you done with [8th of 7]?
Where is the increased chance of injury so-oft posted? |
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Kevlar isn't known for it's knife-stopping abilities - you sure you don't mean ceramic? |
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I think they even make bowls out of it nowadays ;-) |
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[8th], you have my deepest sympathy regarding your
unfortunate accident. And my left leg is Botswana. |
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// Where is the increased chance of injury so-oft posted? // |
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Still high up on the programme, but we much prefer it if it's not us that has to deal with the resultant mess. |
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If anyone out there has a foolproof method for getting a mixture of human blood and Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough icecream off tan leather car upholstery without leaving a mark, we will pay top dollar. |
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Also, is consuming the greater part of a tub of icecream, apparently also including the actual waxed cardboard tub, liable to do any harm to Shih Tzu ? |
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//Also, is consuming the greater part of a tub of
icecream, apparently also including the actual waxed
cardboard tub, liable to do any harm to Shih Tzu ?// |
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I don't know, but even if the ice-cream only shuts it
up for five minutes it would be a start. |
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It's certainly done that. All three of them sound asleep, with conspicuously sticky moustaches.
Amount of concern expressed for injured Pink Blob - nil.
No change there, then.
On the plus side, amount of cleanup required - very much less than envisaged (although that could change if one or more of them elects to vomit copiously in some inconvenient location). |
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//All three of them// Dear gods! Death by Ice
Cream Knife can only be a merciful release. You do
realize that, for the cost of maintaining three Shit
Zoos, you could maintain a dog? |
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// And my left leg is Botswana |
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Are you trying to one-up the PM by having an off-shore limb
account? |
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Botswana has a flat rate of 25%, but your right leg in the BVI
seems to have no income tax at all. So, merely transferring
the wallet from the left pocket to the right pocket of
trews.. |
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I hope you told your guests it was strawberry sauce and didn't waste perfectly good ice cream. |
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//off-shore limb account?// That is actually an
excellent idea. Also, if I only have one leg registered
in England, I can probably claim disability allowance. |
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//Be careful not to get caught exporting arms// |
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Exporting arms is a fine and noble British tradition.
Importing them is where people get upset. |
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Be forewarned that Shih Tzus consuming blood have been
known to acquire a taste for it and take on vampiristic
tendencies. |
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And you're absolutely the last person I would expect to have
one of those little things, let alone three. |
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If you would've just used my ice-cream axis mill all of this
could've been avoided. |
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//Be careful not to get caught exporting arms.//
Good point - I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. |
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So, like a reverse Frozen Alaska, but with kevlar ? |
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// Shih Tzus consuming blood have been known to acquire a taste for it and take on vampiristic tendencies. // |
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Since they certainly have the power to suck out the soul, sanity, and the will to live, much like a cute fluffy Dementor, that doesn't come as a surprise. |
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// And you're absolutely the last person I would expect to have one of those little things, let alone three. // |
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Well, now you know. They're like superintelligent Tribbles - great for keeping Klingons away. |
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