h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vidi, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
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This is quite simple. It is Kevlar fibers woven into a comfortable flannel strip of fabric. You wear this around your neck at night while you sleeping and it protects you from getting bitten by vampires. It also keeps your neck warm. Comes in different sizes and cool patterns. (WARNING: May be ineffective
if used in conjunction with disintegrating pajamas)
Second Chance Ultima +P+
http://www.secondch...=ballistic&prodID=6
"lightweight multi-threat protective armor" [FloridaManatee, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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Annotation:
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Um...what is to stop stop said vampire just biting you on the nose? Mosquitoes, after all, always seem to be able to find the one spot not slathered in Off!, and I presume vampires would be similarly adept. |
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Nice. I want my sleepwalking boyfriend to stop biting me. |
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Have you tried duct taping his mouth shut? |
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what theadore said. Plus, I haven't tried again. his mouth has some other good uses that would be disabled if I did that. I just need a KVP, as indicated above. |
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The vampire can just remove the collar before biting you. |
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Wow! Someone just typed exactly what I was going to say while I was typing. As far as anyone here knows. |
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I think previous annotaters were right about a kevlar strap being too easy for a vampire to simply remove before biting you. A better alternative might be to wear many brass colored rings around your neck like those people on the discovery channel or maybe you could rub a holy water based lotion on before going to bed. |
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This is not to say that the original idea deserves a fish bone. Far from it. I think the basic idea of using protection in situations involving vampires has for too long been overlooked by major companies in the US. After all, if Darla and Angel had used protection, we would have been spared from Connor's incessant whining. |
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This device, as it is now, need not have its use limited to some trivial piece of sleepwear. I imagine a future in which people who work night shifts, people who are fond of really really early morning walks, and even people who just like to party routinely wear these kevlar strips on their forays into the world of the creatures of the night. |
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People, People!. The simplest way to protect yourselves from vampires is *not to invite them in*. |
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<hastily rolls up the welcome mat> |
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You got it [FM]. I bet you feel safer already. |
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Someone just typed exactly what I said after I typed it. |
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Kevlar bullet-resistant vests are ineffective against knives. I'm not sure that a kevlar neck protector would be very effective against sharp teeth. |
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Call me old-fashioned, I still use garlic. |
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/Kevlar bullet-resistant vests are ineffective against knives. I'm not sure that a kevlar neck protector would be very effective against sharp teeth.// |
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That's why virgins around here wear the Second Chance Ultima +P+ ballistic system, which has passed NIJ Stab Standard 0115.00 for spike protection. |
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I often wonder why a vampire who's upset about not being invited in doesn't just burn the place down. As for Spike protection, I wouldn't worry about that too much. Spike is dead. Well, more dead anyway. I don't expect you'll have to worry too much about him until the next season of Angel. |
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supercat is right, a sharp point like a knife or fang concentrates all it's power on one or two threads of kevlar, so it would be an inneffective anti-vampire method. I prefer a double barrelled shotgun. |
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Just weave silver threads into the strip. Then the vampire could neither touch it to remove it or penetrate it with his (or her) fangs. |
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Also gives you a better excuse to charge lots of money for it. |
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Fools! Any vampire worth his salt will simply charm you into removing your protective gear for him. They are very smooth talkers you know... |
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I think the true solution to this problem lies in the fact that most people, being the warm blooded animals that they are, just look so damn tasty to the vampires. What we really need is full body makeup you can apply as the sun goes down that will give you the appearance of being gray, cold, and withered. What vampire is going to want a steak that's not juicy red? |
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Pretending, as I do, to be very liberal in my politics, I support vampire rights in principal, but I wouldn't want one living next door and dating my daughter, assuming I had one, which, I think I can safely assume, I do not. So, altho *I* would wear one of these, I wouldn't want other people to wear these, as it might offend the vampires. Couldn't we just quietly discriminate against them? Wouldn't they then just keep to their own kind? |
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protection for the paranoid. Hey whatever helps you sleep at night. I suggets having it soft inside and then you could use it as a nice neck pillow. Garlic rocks even without other food. |
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A thin urethane prophylactic collar would be the perfect solution. The vampire’s teeth could penetrate the neck, but the vampire would not be able to obtain blood. Nor would the bitten person become a vampire. Have fun without the fear. |
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...a corpuscular condom, if you will. |
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How about the "catholic" solution a cross above your bed? Or for those who don't want to trust i just one religion, a full set ranging from the Egiptian Ahnk to the Musilm Cresent Moon. Should be proof against all but the athiest vampire. |
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And a framed copy of the UN Convention on Human Rights would put paid to them, I warrant. |
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One could always invest in a copy of "Origin of the Species" for the atheist vampires. |
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