h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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Summer is nearly upon us, and once again the scourge of the deckchair usurpers rears its head.
To stop someone using your deckchair in your absence, simply deploy one of my new Kensington Cheese Wire Thong Deckchair Locks.
It's a very simple device, which takes its name from the famous computer
cable lock system. You can carry it around in a small bag, and find other uses for it, like an hotel room mini clothes line.
Here's how it works:
An adjustable hook attaches one end to the front of the deckchair, then the brightly coloured cheese wire can be pulled out from the retracting spool until it reaches the top back-bar, where you lock its upper end crab-claw gripper in place by turning a key.
Your deckchair is now fully protected from intruders, as no one is capable of sitting on the cheese wire thong that spans its seating area. You can run down the beach into the tide, confident that no sand-kicking bully has taken over your precious seat.
Sand Kicking Bully in action
http://tac2011.tac7...AtlasAd-410x355.jpg
Kensington Cheese Wire Thong Deckchair Lock will defeat even the meanest beach bully [xenzag, May 13 2012]
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Why not just take your deckchair with you, and sit in the sea? |
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//Why not just take your deckchair with you// |
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Why don't you take your towel as well, in case you get wet? |
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All I know is that cheese and thong should never be
used in the same sentence together. |
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Cheesist! I suppose you'd disown a daughter who married a cheese...<walks away mumbling "Caseus rights now!"> |
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And just where am I supposed to keep my key for the lock whilst I frolic in the surf? I hope you don't expect me to wear one of those floating watertight storage thingys around my neck! They're a widely-known strangulation hazard. |
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This idea got me to wondering how different halfbakers might handle this problem:
- Maxwell Buchanan would simply have one of his staff prevent the interloper from using his chair (assuming, of course, said interloper had been granted access to the private beach in the first place...)
- 8th of 7 would likely have the seat fitted with a quantity of explosive sufficient to eject any uninvited posterior
- two fries would design and build a chair such that he'd be the only one who knows how it actually works : p
- UnaBubba would simply have Roland accompany him and the beach would quickly become deserted |
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[blissmiss] would simply count on the fact that nobody
could ever be so mean as to steal her chair--and she'd be
right. |
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[po]'s army of attack pigeons patrol the deckchair perimeter. |
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I do find it hard to imagine someone would be so evil
as to steal a sit on my throne, I mean chair. But
chicken wire wouldn't keep the sea gulls from trying
to poop through the wire, I don't think. (21, now
that's funny!) |
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If they did try to sit in your deckchair, [blissy], you'd never
know it, unless you spotted the dragmarks leading into the
bushes. |
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Leaving one of those plastic dog turds on the seat
and a few scattered turd-cluster bombs in the general region will ensure no one touches the seat.
It'll only work once mind. |
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Whaddya mean it'll only work once? FASCAM is the gift that
keeps on giving! |
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the second time you better check that the turd you left on the seat is the same turd that's there now. |
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