h a l f b a k e r yI CAN HAZ CROISSANTZ?
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British Airways just mothballed the last of their 747 Jumbo
Jets.
It seems a pity not to use them for something, even if it's
not as an aeroplane. I'm proposing a few simple alterations
that would get them back into use again as a type of super
Jetski transporter.
Here's what needs to be
done:
Chop the wings short,
leaving one pair of engines in place.
Take away the
wheels and replace them with floating skies, capable of
supporting the weight of the plane in water.
Now you have a high speed Jetski boat capable of
transporting 300+ people in complete comfort.
Ekranoplan
https://en.wikipedi...ehicle#Soviet_Union
Impressive ... [8th of 7, Oct 12 2020]
Intake Spray Deflectors
https://oldmachinep...979.jpg?w=625&h=364
[bs0u0155, Oct 12 2020]
Mig29 FOD doors
https://i.stack.imgur.com/FAls1.jpg
[bs0u0155, Oct 12 2020]
Here's your sign.
https://www.google....252C1.000%252C1.000
[pertinax, Oct 13 2020]
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Annotation:
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The Ivans have considerable Prior Art in that area, <link>, but an interesting idea nonetheless. |
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One of the main problem is FOD ingestion by the turbofans - lots of birds at sea level, unfortunately. |
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[+] for the thought, though. |
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Are they conversions though? Meanwhile I'm sure
the engines could be screened to prevent birds
from entering. I'll add that bit when I propose the
idea to BA. |
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// I'm sure the engines could be screened to prevent birds from entering. // |
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You are ? Well, if that's correct, there are people at Rolls-Royce and Engine Alliance who will be delighted to make you instantly very wealthy in return for solving something that's been a major, dangerous, insoluble problem for turbine engines for the last seventy years, and is no closer to a workable fix.. . |
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Teflon coated, perforated pointed metal cones
placed over each engine intake. There now. That
was one of the easiest problems I ever solved. |
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Yes, well done, absolutely brilliant, perfect in every respect except for the tiny detail that it's been tried (by the USN) and it didn't work; the airflow into the compressor was so restricted that the engine would only just idle, and certainly couldn't produce useful thrust. |
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//I'm sure the engines could be screened to prevent birds
from entering// |
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The Soviets had a go with spheres mounted in front of the
intakes <link>. I can't find any info on performance
changes, but they later removed them. These were
mainly for deflecting water spray which was an issue even
on high up engines, on a massive craft on a smooth lake.
The Atlantic wouldn't have been so kind. |
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The Mig29, among others <link> has FOD doors. They don't
flow much air and blow-in doors on top are also required.
They're to give the Mig29 capability on roads/rough fields
but they're not practical beyond taxi/low weight take off.
The fighter can sort-of take the performance hit because
it's so overpowered compared to an airliner. |
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//Yes, well done, absolutely brilliant// Gets made
into a badge to wear. Rolls Royce
alerted....perforated production of cones begins.
8th made to walk around the M25 along the central
reservation, wearing a dunce's cap while pulling a
double bed complete with heavily stained bare
mattress, as passing motorists laugh and throw
paper planes at him made from the labels of Kitty
Cat tins. |
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//I'm sure the engines could be screened to prevent
birds from entering//
Surely all that is
needed is some clever scanning radar looking at the
space in front of each engine while in flight? If
something is detected, there is the high-pitched
whirr of gun-mounts turning and the foreign body is
automatically shot out of the sky with some sort of
explosive ammunition (resulting in fragments small
enough such that engine ingestion is not a problem). |
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That sounds more like a reward than a punishment! |
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//foreign body is automatically shot out of the
sky//..... Have you been taking those 8th tablets
again? |
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OK, OK - then a more realistic* (and arguably more
entertaining for the passengers) solution would be an
elegantly engineered robot arm mounted next to the
engine, equipped with a tennis racket and
lightning-sharp reflexes which would swat birds out
of the way before they got ingested into the engine.
*(less realistic) |
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Tell us about the sentry guns again, the ones with the explosive ammunition ... we like that bit. |
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YOu could have a sign, saying "NO BIRDS". Actually we can't assume the birds can read English. So perhaps a bird silhouette with a big red diagonal line through it. |
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Could the engines be modified to run underwater? For fuel you would need something that reacts explosively with water. |
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Microcrystalline potassium metal ... |
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// we can't assume the birds can read English // |
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They could be illegal migrants*, in which case the sentry guns are very useful. |
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// taking those 8th tablets again? // |
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No, all our phones, tablets, netbooks, laptops, desktops, servers and all other computer kit is present and correct. |
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// walk around the M25 along the central reservation, wearing a dunce's cap while pulling a double bed // |
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We will be delighted to do that, as soon as [xen] returns from piloting the first test-flight of the cone-equipped aircraft. Bobbing helplessly in the ocean because of a lack of forward thrust doesn't count. |
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*But not African swallows**, which are, of course, non-migratory. |
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**Unless the aircraft is in Africa. |
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//[xen] returns from piloting the first test-flight of
the cone-equipped aircraft.// Not flights.... Rem
this is a jetski boat, so it won't be travelling at
much faster than 50 knots. No problems are
anticipated, so the bed and rancid mattress are on
their way, along with the dunce's cap. Free tins of
Kitty Cat are being handed out at South Mimms
services together with instructions on how to get
the label off and fold it into a paper plane. |
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Surely a turboprop engine, which would make
more sense at boat speeds than a turbofan anyway,
could be designed in such a way to have shielded
turbo intakes. This thing isn’t going 300 mph. |
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And if you want better efficiency, just turn some
screws in the water. Sorted. |
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