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Ironing Maiden
What do you get if you cross a trouser press with an 18th century torture device? | |
I despise ironing. For one, I don't trust fabrics, I don't trust the way
they move - all shifty and devious. Pulled taut over an ironing
board,
one tug here to straighten a wrinkle pulls the cloth out of alignment
elsewhere. Constant too-ing and fro-ing commences until the whole
frustrating
debacle ends with you throwing the shirt in the bin and
wearing a polo neck.
Out of this winter comes a warhorse of steel, the Ironing Maiden - a
device to purge this peril from our day. Charlotte's innards (for that
is
what I have named her) at first glance resemble Radiator Man, but
it
has some very remarkable differences. Like Radiator Man, the
owner
of the device dresses the metal skeleton with their chosen clothes
for
the following morning. However, once dressed, the skeleton
expands
to fill the clothes. You see, rather than water-filled tubes, the bones
are made of tightly coiled sheets of metal that when released uncoil
to
fill the trouser legs and sleeves. An elaborately woven mesh,
perhaps a bit like a Hobermann sphere, expands to fill the chest.
When at full expansion, and the clothes are pulled taut, a
network of
metal struts inside the coils extends to hold it firmly in position.
Finally, the Charlotte cabinet is closed. Inside and unseen, heated
metal plates press down against the clothes, ironing out wrinkles by
pushing across the fabric twixt the skeleton and the irons.
Come morning, Charlotte pre-heats the clothes before you wake,
leaving them toasty warm and pre-pressed. Off you go, walking
through the city, looking oh so pretty.
In hotel rooms, Charlotte will charge you a fiver to operate.
Radiator Man
Radiator_20Man
Not initially inspired by, but one of my all-time favourites nonetheless. [theleopard, Jan 15 2009]
Iron Maiden
http://en.wikipedia...en_(torture_device)
Large person-shaped cabinet full of spikes for torture. [theleopard, Jan 15 2009]
Illustration
http://i37.tinypic.com/zxv6li.jpg
[theleopard, Jan 15 2009, last modified Oct 02 2009]
Inflatable system
http://www.kaboodle...hirt-ironer-tj10000
[theleopard, Jan 15 2009]
[link]
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You've got to be kidding me... |
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Are they person-shaped? Or do you still have to maneuver the fabric
this way and that over the flat press? |
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Intrigued, I found an inflatable steam ironer [linky], but apparently it
just isn't
as good as proper ironing. |
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Had to be Charlotte, didn't it? |
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I like it. I predict that it will reduce The Number Of The Creased, ushering in a Brave New World with domestic X Factor. |
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Will there be companion devices for similar chores?
Infinite Cleans. {Top-loading washing machine with a drum in a figure of 8 configuration instead of a cyclinder}
No Prayer For The Drying. {Tumble dryer with a model of a drowning man inside} |
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...or you could just employ the Valet Service Of The Shadow Of Death. |
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whilst I also hate ironing, I love this idea! + |
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...and you can hang your freshly ironed stuff on the Clothes Horse of the Apocalypse |
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//Charlotte will charge you a fiver to operate// |
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You can tell her that you know me.
You might even get it free... |
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Charlotte sends her regards [jinbish]. |
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I like the idea of Ironing Maiden and Radiator Man joining forces in
their struggle against the tyranny of cold and creased clothing. |
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They need a nemesis really... |
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