Iron Pigeon Poo

As I walked to work this morning through George Square (Glasgow) I noticed that poor William Gladstone was in desperate need of Grecian 2000.

From what I can reckon, most of the historical statues in Glasgow are a dark coloured metal. George Square happens to be infested with pigeons. Hordes of pigeons. This means shed loads of white, minging sh*t - and where do pigeons do most of their sh*t? Anywhere they perch, that's where. And poor old Willy G had it really bad this morning.

To combat this, without just killing the flying rats - I propose a novel solution to colour the bird poo with iron sulphate. A prescribed supplement for a deficiency of iron in the blood, iron sulphate causes, as one of its side effects, a blackening of stool.

Now, since pigeons seem to indiscriminately peck at the ground I suggest that this supplement be impregnated into small pieces of bread or pastry that are left over at the local bakery (there is one on George Square). These items are then distributed across the square for the consumption of the feathered vermin.

Now when they poo they won't ruin little Willy's hairdo.