h a l f b a k e r yRenovating the wheel
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The unicycle - one of humanity's greatest achievements.
However, although the unicycle is miraculous, it suffers
from the drawback of being visible. Hence, the illusion of
someone levitating whilst moving their feet in small circles
is lost.
Visible Unicycle Disillusionment Woes Begone!!
MaxCo.
is proud to introduce its range of invisible*
unicycles.
The MaxCo. Invisible Unicycle (for such is the name which
our marketing department has crafted for the apparatus)
consists of a large (1.5-2m) disc of the finest tempered and
toughened glass, thinned somewhat at the edges to
minimise their visibility.
Affixed to one side of the disc, about a foot from the
centre, is a small protruding rod. Affixed to the opposite
side of the disc, diametrically opposite the first rod, is a
second rod. These rods are your pedals.
Also provided are a pair of MaxCo. Invisible Unicycling
Shorts. These fashionable netherwear items, hand-crafted
from the finest Lycradex, feature a gusset studded with
captive roller-bearings, covering what can only be
described as the perineal area of the rider.
In use, the rider sits astride the disc, placing one foot on
each of the protruding rods. The edge of the disc engages
with the aforementioned perineal roller-bearings.
A pedalling action, familiar to any seasoned unicyclist, is
then all that is required to operate the MaxCo. Invisible
Unicycle.
To spectators viewing the spectacle from the side, the
rider will appear to be suspended above the ground, feet
circling wildly has he (or indeed she) glides effortlessly
along.
*your results may vary
Scrotal_20Fortification
[calum, Jul 02 2012]
Finally, a new application for my idea...
Bicycle_20Seat_20Shorts
[normzone, Jul 02 2012]
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Ah - I see that [bungston] has some prior art in the
perineal region. |
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//thinned somewhat at the edges// so, a lens? |
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Lensish, yet not lensoid. The greater part of the
disc is flat, so as not to distort the scene viewed
through it. Only the edges are tapered, so as to
avoid having a very thick and obvious rim. There will
of course be some distortion as a result of the
tapering, but compromises are inevoidable. |
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OK but I think that a disk of toughened glass would be better described as “transparent” rather than “invisible”. |
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I think I once saw someone wearing a pair of Invisible Unicycling Shorts, though. At least, their shorts -looked- invisible to me. |
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//a disk of toughened glass would be better
described as “transparent” rather than “invisible”// |
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I ran your suggestion past our marketing division,
and they inagree. |
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// the rider will appear to be suspended above the ground,
feet circling wildly // |
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This effect can also be produced, sans unicycle, by simply
propelling somebody into the air in an unexpected fashion,
such as, for instance, with the aid of an invisible
trebuchet. Although, if this feat is performed properly, the
word 'rider' would be most aptly replaced with 'victim', and
the phrase 'suspended above' with 'plummeting toward'. |
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Other than that, it's remarkably similar. [+] |
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//effect can also be produced, sans unicycle, by
simply propelling somebody into the air// That is
true, but the effect thereby created cannot be
sustained for significant periods of time, unless
orbital velocity can be attained. |
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Orbital speeds, sadly, give few spectators time to
appreciate the spectacle adequately before the
person passes by andor achieves transient
incandescence. |
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You can achieve a remarkably similar effect by
another means, elucidated in an idea I've just
posted, using nylon fishing lines and very small hooks. |
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In the right circumstances, a mirror disk would be invisibler than a glass disk. |
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And have the advantage of showing whether you were walking
beside a vampire, as you viewed your reflection. |
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//I ran your suggestion past our marketing division, and they inagree. |
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Come, come now..that's differently agree |
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Come, come now..that's differently agree// |
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No, they were indifferent. |
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So invisible unicycling is an indoor sport, presumably? Out of doors, you'd have to contend with the appearance of hovering about on a circle of mud. Anyway, inside is better for hearing what I'm sure is a delightful sound of crotch bearings on the edge of glass. |
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The MaxCo. Invisible Unicycle is fully outdoorized
and ruggedly terrained. Use on soft or ineven
surfaces is not recommended. Your contents may
settle with prolonged use. In the event of a
reaction, discontinue or continue use, depending on
nature of reaction. Open other end. |
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But your instructions are unclear which spoils the whole
effect. |
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They're not "instructions", they're "unstructions".
We had to make this change after our legal
department became unvolved. |
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For similar reasons, we may be forced to rename
our
product as an "Unvisible Inicycle" to avoid some
rather untimidating liability issues. |
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(Ah - I have just received a memo from our legal
department, unforming me that the legal
department will henceforth be known as the
cheese department. Apparently this too is a pre-
emptive measure to avoid liability issues.) |
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"your instructions are unclear, which spoils the whole effect" |
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"your instructions are unclear - which spoils the whole effect ?" |
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“your instructions are; unclear which spoils the whole effect” |
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