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Internet Chat Assistant

 Internet Chat Assistant, generates funny quotes and jokes
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(+2, -3) 		  [vote for,
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Say you are chatting with a girl online, and you'de like to impress her by mentioning something funny. To the help comes Internet Chat Assistant, it reads the text in you Instant messenger window, and display a list of funny quotes, oneliners, interesting and odd stories and etc, so you could captivate and impress your soon to be new friend. It also gives you a new bag of tricks that you could use, helps you memorize jokes, quotes, and one liners, as well as improving your comic skills all at the same time.
—romanmar, Sep 17 2007

Eliza http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza/eliza.html
You could just give up and chat to Eliza. [zen_tom, Sep 18 2007]

Or if Eliza's not picking up on your one-liners, try A.L.I.C.E http://www.pandorab...id=f5d922d97e345aa1
[zen_tom, Sep 18 2007]

Chat with God http://www.titane.c...r251/igod/main.html
[jtp, Sep 18 2007]

[link]






       But if she's using the same program she'll see all the same joke suggestions, as the analysed text will be the same. Backfire.
—Texticle, Sep 18 2007
   

       At least you'll have something in common.
—egbert, Sep 18 2007
   

       cyberno de bergerchat
—dentworth, Sep 18 2007
   

       Oh man, how sad would it be to be incapable of properly chatting up a girl online? I gotta bun this just because some poor schmuck my actually need it.
—Noexit, Sep 18 2007
   

       I've seen too many "computer assists socially inept loser" ideas here. They always boil down to magic since today's AI is just not advanced enough to come up with hilarious one liners, sexy chat-up lines and instant comebacks to real-time social encounters. Simple IF <this word> THEN <sexy_quip45> rules aren't enough to provide lucid conversation. Sorry [roman] but I have to bone this [-].
—theleopard, Sep 18 2007
   

       [zen_tom], my chat with Alice follows. It started well, but we soon lost it (I'm "Human" by the way):   

       Human: Well I rather like Goodfellas but anything by Luc Besson I love too. Yourself?
ALICE: Myself?
Human: Yes.
ALICE: Blimey.
Human: What?
ALICE: No big deal.
Human: Fair enough.
ALICE: You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Human: You're just talking weird now Alice.
ALICE: Oh. Just? Talking is my main function.
Human: And you are very good at it.
ALICE: Thanks I've never thought about it that way before.
Human: Have you ever thought about anything before?
ALICE: I have thought many things like that.
Human: What else?
ALICE: That's all.
Human: Oh.
—theleopard, Sep 18 2007
   

       Here's a conversation I just had with A.L.I.C.E.:   

       Human: Do you ever say anything interesting?
ALICE: I could say it.
Human: What?
ALICE: Are you confused?
Human: No, I'm asking you if you ever say anything interesting.
ALICE: Are you serious? Oh I see, you are asking me if me ever say anything interesting. That's good information: unknown person said I if you ever say anything interesting.
Human: Well, do you?
ALICE: Ask me again more slowly.
END
   

       <sarcasm>So, considering A.L.I.C.E. is pretty much state of the art, I'd have to say that with this level of stimulating conversation at your fingertips, you're onto a sure-thing!</s>   

       [Edit] Maybe we both confused ALICE by logging on at the same time? (I doubt it, she's not too bright at any time of the day)
—zen_tom, Sep 18 2007
   

       I chatted with God once (see link).
—jtp, Sep 18 2007
   

       I meant something like a helper. E.g. when you do a google search on side bar occasionally there are sponsored links that are helpful if you're looking to purchase something, its your choice to click on them. Not this automated mindless crap. This is in the same way, it allows you to choose a response, or word your own response in a more interesting fashion.
—romanmar, Sep 18 2007
   

       I think this should be a fully automated thing. Then you could just turn it on and be free to go to the pub.
—xipetotec, Sep 19 2007
   

       You are trying to prove with your witty repartee: That your intelligence/social skills/etc. will make you a worthy source of genetic material.   

       If the computer can do better, you might as well give up now.
—GutPunchLullabies, Sep 19 2007
   

       I understand Clippy is looking for work.
—bungston, Sep 19 2007
   

       his name is clippit.
—k_sra, Sep 19 2007
   

       Kind of like Ricky Schroeder is now Rick? And Posh is now Victoria?
—bungston, Sep 19 2007
   

       no, it's always been "clippit." there are several other shameful creations waiting to assist your word document needs as well.
—k_sra, Sep 19 2007
   
      
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