h a l f b a k e r yIt might be better to just get another gerbil.
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This is a game for 2 or 4 players and 1 umpire. It can be played in 2 teams of 1 or 2 teams of 2. Each team takes it in turn to insult a member of the other team, and the scores are incremented in the style of tennis (i.e. 15/30/40/GAME). If both teams have 40 points, we go to a tennis-style deuce (i.e.
advantage -> game). We play 5 sets of 10 games each. Each set must be won by 2 clear games. || The scoring system is exactly the same as normal tennis.
One difference though: if an insult for 1 team does not qualify for a point, the point does NOT automatically go to the other team. In this event, no points are awarded, unlike tennis.
Plagiarised insults shall lead to a 1-point penalty. For example, 'You donkey-raping shit-eater' (from the South Park movie) would take someone from a score of 30 to a score of 15. A score of 0 would be unaffected, as negative scores get too difficult to handle.
The job of the umpire is to judge whether or not the insult is worthy of the point, and to update the scores accordingly. For example, an insult of 'You smell' would not get you the point. An insult of 'You are an ugly Italian hotelier who's father was a cross-dressing Iraqi terrorist', however, would certainly qualify for the point.
The umpire should look for, among other things, the following qualities in an insult: -Plain insultingness | -General randomness | -Humour | -Extra adjectives | -Originality.
The game is best played in public so as to better judge the offensiveness of insulting remarks.
The Dozens
http://www.africana...Articles/tt_019.htm
An introduction for those not familiar with the term. [phoenix, Jul 04 2002]
The Game of Questions
http://www.ralentz....e-of-questions.html
From Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. [DrBob, Jul 04 2002]
Ultimate Redwall Insult Archive
http://www.silverpe...ideout/insults.html
[phoenix, Jul 04 2002]
Maledicta Press
http://www.sonic.net/maledicta/
[phoenix, Jul 04 2002]
InsultMonger.com
http://www.insultmonger.com/
Click the 'Yo Momma' link for some dozens. [phoenix, Jul 04 2002]
Deliver the Dis
http://www.thespark...Deliver_the_Dis.exe
An insult generator from the lovely folks at thespark.com [mighty_cheese, Jul 04 2002]
Youtube insult generator
http://mashable.com...e-insult-generator/
[theircompetitor, Oct 26 2011]
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<mental note> remember italian hotelier insult <mental note > |
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May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits for all eternity. |
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*** UnaBubba 30 - 15 kaz *** |
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.oO( Somebody has AutoInsult? )Oo. |
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You are the illegitimate whelp of a tavern-whore who serviced diseased camel-drivers for profit and diseased camels for pleasure. |
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Not borderline. Also not great, in any normally accepted sense of the word. |
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Your mother was so ugly, the only way she got laid was to fuck pigs. |
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Furthermore, the pigs had to be blindfolded. |
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Also, your mother was so randy, her undergarments smelt of smokey bacon. |
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UnaBubba: They're gone, I was only trying to help the less insultially-gifted of us. *IMPLIES NOTHING* |
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NTG: that wasn't an insult - OUT! |
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may your left ear whither and fall into your right pocket (since we're on a Nancy McPhee-ish theme..) |
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May 131 transexual Pakistani whoares gatecrash your wife's baby shower |
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who spat in your test-tube? |
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Who licked your foot covered in tomato ketchup and swiss cheese, you shit-smelling elf-raper?? |
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May your mouth always taste of the rancid toenail cheese of a hundred lepurs. |
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May 12 elephants stamp on your carefully constructed lego town |
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May the full wrath of the god of faeces be exerted upon your head |
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[UnaBubba]: You call that an insult, you bedraggled Indian sloth? |
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I certainly do you moronic piece of monkey rectum |
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Kaz you malodorous Swedish farmer the comment was not directed at you (see edit) |
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Nick, you could be out-insulted by a glass of water |
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Sorry [NickTheGreat], I shall be more cautious next time. |
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Hey! [yamahito] don't talk about my sister like that. |
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This game is great, gives me an excuse to think of as many horrible sounding things as possible (I hope no-one takes them seriously) |
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Does anyone think this is significantly different than playing Dozens? |
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What is Dozens you gibberish speaking mongrel? |
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then baked, you usurper of other culture's ideas! |
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Your insults are as intellectual as the pope is Dutch |
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Reminiscent of the Game of Questions from the Tom Stoppard play 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead' (see link). This idea has been baked at a couple of gaming conventions that I've been to and has also been half-baked here before. However, as I can't find the original post, I will not m-f-d this. Oh damn! Love fifteen. No insult.
Footnote: I'm no expert on the subject but wasn't the insult game also the origin for rap? |
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First Russian phrase I learned while in college: Gloop kak poop pushoki, which means 'stupid as bellybutton lint.' |
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My fairy godmother says you are a devil worshipping Viking. |
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Let Jebus shout it from the mountain tops that you have crabs. |
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May your mongrel syphilitic grandchildren eat your worm
riddled bowels on toast with ketchup. |
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A dear friend said this *quite* loudly to our Armenian neighbors when they made constant racket starting early in the morning every single day until he moved out:
Your Grandfather is a Turk! And he wasn't even an Officer! |
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Interesting how many people find it necessary to use ethnic/national terms in framing insults..we have italian, pakistani, indian,swedish, viking, turk.
You Americans! :D |
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[UnaBubba] don't say that sort of thing to me you sock-sucking Orang-utan |
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[pfperry] you appear to have forgotten Iraqi |
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... if I may say, you could only improve upon your obvious perfection, if, perchance, your rectal sphincter should take its rightful place, firmly below your throat.... |
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I thought you said sock sucker, then, which actually would have been more funny than tedious, for a change (yawn) |
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And what is that difference then you pedantic hookworm-resembling old-lady-smelling rancid moronic cock-jockey? |
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**That insult wouldn't get a point by the way |
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Have another gorilla cookie, you incontinent sac of typhus. |
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Actually, this is a pretty stupid idea. And is the "nick" in your username a verb? |
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What are you implying, you undersized bulging bag of vermin excrement? And no, by the way. Despite its stupidity, just look at how much fun it's giving us. |
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May twenty thousand pole-trolls continually prod you up the arse with inane ideas. |
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May twenty thousand Resarf's continually prod you up the arse with pole-pants (see link). |
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Now see, that's just copying. "Nicking" the great, as it were. You call that insulting, you diarrhetic wolverine offspring? |
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No, and I apologise, you hideous Israeli sheep whose biology teacher was a hamster. May 3 incompetent brain surgeons engage in intercourse with your gully emptying truck. |
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Lucky guess on the biology teacher bit, you dyskinetic gynaecologist with a sweating disorder and fetid mustard-filled nostrils. |
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Stupid idea? Probably the most cretinous travesty of brain activitity since your goat-fisting crack-whore mother decided to sell as fertiliser the filth that festers in her lice-ridden knickers - worn so long, by the way, over her unwashed spunk-reeking syphillitic cunt and pustulent arsehole that her flatulent and fat-as-a-geriatric-American-tourist-with-their-colostomy-bag-backed-up-since-Florida arse has actually grown a solid skin of lardy flesh over them such that removal entails an operation akin to surgery or strip-mining. Now take your so-called "idea", inflate it with the hot air you so obviously have an infinite supply of, and shove it up your mother's aforementioned ass, where the sun not only doesn't shine but actually sucks all light out of the surrounding space due its well-nigh inconceivable massiveness and the singularity of shit squeezed to a point of infinite denseness and zero size (not unlike your brain) at the centre of that *black hole*, NickTheGratingIrkingImbecile. |
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You complete waugsqueke, you. |
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Game: NickTheGreat Vs. Everyone else, it seems. First set. |
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You are an obstinate Palestinian gypsy whose credibility is comprable to that of a hamster. |
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Um, nope. No score there. That was a pathetic attempt, NickYourselfShaving. 10 minutes of bearing down and that little crumb of shit comes out of your bowels? Not even worth flushing after that one. You Pyrrhic molasses-coated malignant duck vulva. |
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The only question is: just how far down are you seeded? And just who was it that seeded you - your so-called *father*, a goat, or any of the multitude of truck-drivers, milkmen or pizza delivery boys who've used, abused, misused and infused your dam with their patently-substandard genetic stock over the long years of her career? One can only presume that they were rather closely related to the slapper, slag and slut of a bitch, given the issue that was produced. |
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My money is therefore on the goat. |
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Go screw yourself with your hyphen, alx. |
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Yo mama so fat, the lice in her arse crack have invented sophisticated mining techniques. |
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You are in fact a giant louse that crawled up yo mamas pus-dripping cunt and grew grotesquely fat on the rotting corpses of your various 'fathers' who were trapped in the sweaty rolls of that foul region. Born into a blocked toilet on 'marathon curry night', your only ever experience of washing was rolling into a river under a sewage outlet when yo mama threw you out after calling in your tab for her 'services'. |
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Yeah? Well at least my name's got more than 4 letters, "chud". Is that a slang term for vomitting? |
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Chudding is an extremely nasty sexual practice. I wouldn't be surprised if you were conceived in similar circumstances, Stu. |
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[No link added, deliberately.] |
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stu - lucky you managed to remember your whole rambling, bloated 'nom de putain' through the billows of low-grade pot smoke |
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and alx is a disgusting fungal infection so nasty that it can survive in the pestilent haze around yo mama [no link added, because yo mama ate the web designer] |
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May the fumes of a thousand thousand thousand and a thousand thousand and a thousand more generations of flaccid maggots sucking the dung of the generations of sons and their sons of all the whore rebels who've ever existed and shall exist fill your mothers nostrils to cause her to unceasingly and quite audibly fill the planets potchambers forever and ever to overflowing, just as the entirety of the combined armies of the syphillitic axis and all evil empires fore and aft and those who support/ed them fill/ed with their bile the multitude of orifices of your mother and those whores who emulate/d your mother, though their craggy, rotten and/or oozing pits aren't/weren't as craggy, rotten and/or oozing the warmth of hell as the pit in which you fermented, geek who moppeth the potchamber floors with thine own hair. |
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I don't think "compliment tennis" would get many croissants, because I doubt many would know how to play. Or be able to bring themselves to serve. |
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because insults are easier to be creative with and relieve tension better than compliments |
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your wife is a purple hippo <aargh> |
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Accidents do happen. Isn't that right bliss? Or should we just ask your mother? |
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Hey, lay off of blissmiss, and go back to your serial sock raping, you yeast-infected vaginal blood fart gobbler. |
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I would insult you, but your overstuffed sawdust brain is clogging up your eyes and ears. Too bad is not clogging up your large overgrown nose, other wise your brain would be free from all that sawdust, and we cook it as the lental that it is. |
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Go bliss! Us ass-wipes have to stick together! |
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stick together like the fetid carpet of tissues on the floor of yo mamas 'office' |
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[blissmiss]: That pustulent chancre on a donkey's dong [sctld] is hardly worth your weak defense. If you're wondering why I haven't any stronger words for you, it is my policy never to insult a lady, you necrophilic stockyard animal slut. |
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As for you, [sctld], the imbecilic rejoinders you post are evidence of your atrophied brain, which wouldn't fill the miniscule cavity of your invaginated third nipple. |
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Your nanny was a goat.
May the billy-goat which infected your unbeknownst to you actual father's genitalia impale it's horns in your anus forever and ever, amen. |
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May all your children have six toes....one on each foot. |
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Now that Resarf has discovered it, I'm really regretting posting the link to "Deliver the Dis". |
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Shove a Big Bang up your ass, postseti/Fartist formerly known as Resarf/GeorgeTheRobin/etc. |
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go resarf you got the skills |
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Unfortunately they are the faecal-cuisine, mama-goat-porn skills. Luckily for the goat the combination of yo mamas gravity well and your wasp-like genetalia protected it from your worst perversions. We can but hope that you drown in the river of sweat and diahorrea that flows constantly from the other end of yo mama (you can even see it on a clear night) |
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I'd smack you, but I'm busy fisting your mom.
Sorry, I wanted in on this. |
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You remind me a little of my brother, only he has a human head. |
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I say the insult umpire be granted a license to kill for the
use of puns or bad word play type insults. The audience
could then vote on the method of body disposal. |
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Can you imagine what anyone who wandered in here by mistake, and didn't read the original idea would think of you all. For shame! You bunch of foul mouthed, wretchedly ugly, Belgians. |
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Time to bring up a treasure from the archive - (thanks for the lead [blissmiss]!). I don't think we'll see any new insults here.... |
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....said the man who slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking. :) |
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//..ugly, Belgians.// That deserves a Rory. |
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this idea is baked toasty... It's just
HalfBakery without the Referee! |
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