Insta-Beard

Having shaved off the 'tache, I'm now growing it back again to take part in a Murder Mystery party. However, from now until almost before the party, my appearance is going make cats howl, milk curdle and generally bring disaster to all and sundry. Why - because moustaches take time to grow.

When we shuffle off this mortal coil, a little known side-effect is that our skin shrinks as it dehydrates, giving the appearance of stubble where all the hair follices are. Most male corpses (and probably some female ones too) end up having short beards and moustaches.

Vainglorious people (such as Hollywood stars and Cliff Richard) already have treatment to remove wrinkles etc. It is but a short step to have skin reduction surgery, painlessly removing some layers of the dermis and epidermis, thus exposing more of the hair.

New Insta-Beard. No more do people have to look at you quizzically wondering whether you know if you look a mess. Important meetings don't dissolve into wisecracks about the availability of razors.