Infomercial Disenchantment Service

I just saw an informercial for the most amazing product! "Earn up to $5000, or more!" (1) they said. "Risk-Free! Just pay shipping and handling" (2) they said. "This Really Works!" (3) they said. And now they warned me that I only have 6 minutes to call (4) if I want to get a pocket-size spatula as a free gift!

Should I call? No, it's too frivolous. But all that money! Yeah, but what if I don't have time. But what if this is the answer to all my problems? There's only three minutes left! I'm so nervous! Should I do it? Maybe I'm just afraid of success. I'm calling. No, wait, I don't know . . .

SOLUTION: The Infomercial Disenchantment Service is a special hotline you can call when you're tempted to buy something from a TV commercial. The operators are skilled at dissuading you from buying things that you will regret later. You tell the counselor all about the great sounding things the ad said, and the counselor explains the gimmicks to you, making you realize that this product isn't so great after all.

E.G. (1) Vacuous; covers the whole real number line (2) S&H is way overpriced; plus, you will be too lazy to pack it up and return it, so you're completely out the money. (3) They could be lying. (4) You automatically get the gift no matter when you call.

An additional societal advantage of this service is that lonely people often order things from infomercials just so that they have someone to talk to (the sales operator). This phone service will fulfill that need for a much lower price. And give needy people the satisfaction of not being gullible.

Only $2.99 per minute.