In Ball Telemetry

Want to experience Shane Warne's googlies? Beckham's bender? Campese's up-and-under? Tiger's hole in one? Of course you do.

We place a cunning piece of lightweight, ruggedised electro-mechanical wizardry in a ball that can detect its exact position, velocity, acceleration and rotational vector in real time and feed this information back to a common frame of reference (say the pavilion) for analysis by the commentary team.

"...and Warne bowls...Hussein fumbles outside off stump and is quite comprehensively beaten through bat and pad...that was Warne's googly...and quite possibly the spinniest and nippiest delivery of the match so far according to our in ball telemetry..."

An evil media baron has arranged things so viewers can experience this for the low cost of £37.99 per month via Internet web casting technology. The additional cost of the virtual reality head gear that makes the room spin when David Beckham curls one in with a particularly ferocious spinning free kick is a small price to pay for nearly being there.