h a l f b a k e r yThe halfway house for at-risk ideas
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Ikea + uncooperative self assembly furniture + aikido = Ikeado
This a system of movements requiring minimal effort on the part of
the participants, where they learn how to fling around half
assembled items of Ikea furniture until they have reduced them to
dismembered fragments. A suitable Viennese
waltz provides
background music.
Once a week sessions, with an audience bringing a range of items to
be demolished by demonstration experts, are offered.
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Annotation:
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Sorry for your loss. Despair can be the start of many good inventions. |
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So simple only a child can do it. Next time rent a child - Swedish if you can. |
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Actually I find Ikea assembly a very enjoyable and zen like
activity, but for some it provokes rage and destruction. The
idea is to harness that rage and channel it into a system of
calmly orchestrated movements of almost effortless
precision. Watch some aikido and see how perfect it is.
Now imagine it with furniture. |
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I can be very calm, and when I was a juvenile, I was the
leader of the flat's pack. Many of my gang friends went
with the dark side, but I preferred the grey. |
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Flat pack (although I initially typed 'flay pack' so perhaps my subconscious disagrees) assembly is fun! |
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Maybe destroying flatpacks will help me regain my six-pack. |
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The idea of a Swedish martial art has
numerous possibilities. |
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One form might involve distracting the
opponent by means of a startlingly attractive
talll slim blonde (gender selected opposite to
opponent) allowing an opportunity to sneak
up behind them and strike them with a
reindeer. |
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Another form might involve stand-up comedy,
causing the opponent to slash their own
wrists in despair. |
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A further variation could be to coax the
opponent into a location which freezing cold
and pitch dark for 23 hours a day, then
feeding them a diet of pickled fish and Akavit
until they enter a catatonic state* |
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*NB this would not work on Norwegians or
Finns; Norewgians because this is Standard
Operating Procedure, and Finns because this
treatment does not impact on the lower
spinal ganglia that provide the bulk of their
cognitive function (if any). |
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You forgot to mention Hákarl. |
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Would it be permitted to incorporate elements of (say) Llap-Goch, or Ecky-Thump ? |
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You are correct; regrettably, it is only
effective on life-forms* that have developed
matter-transmission ("Transporter")
technology. |
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* and who use the slang term "cap" in the
context of taking out an adversary to imply
"to decouple their transporter pattern
signature signal to ground using a
low-ESR capacitor". |
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Not pun, more paronomasia. |
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Perhaps the cafe in Ikea could start selling flatpack flapjacks ? |
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