Iced Light

I don't care if I was just dining on ambrosia straight from Zeus's kitchen, if I have to flag down a waiter to get my water glass refilled, I am one cranky customer. A good restaurant does not let their customers dehydrate. But only the priciest restaurants have enough wait staff to sufficiently monitor water levels. So to keep thirsty penny-pinchers like me coming back, I recommend that restaurateurs introduce Iced Light Fixtures at every table.

The Iced Light concept is simple: it is essentially a clear, hollow, tube-shaped bucket with several brass spigots spaced evenly around the bottom. (The top of the inside tube is closed and the bottom is open, while the top of the outside ring is open, bottom closed--think the bottom of a wine bottle sawed off just above the point where the indentation tops out and about 100 times the size.) This 'tube' rests on a low pedestal and is placed on a table like a regular lamp. I say "like a regular lamp" because in the frosted center of the tube is a low-watt light bulb.

Here's the real genius (if I may be so bold) of it: The 'bucket' part of the lamp is filled with equal parts ice and water before a party is seated at the table. They may dispense water from the nozzles, as desired, without waiting for someone with a pitcher to wander by or worrying that the pitcher will run dry before everyone gets water. The light, diffused through ice and water, will produce enough heat to slowly melt the ice, turning it into a fresh supply of cold water throughout the meal. Not to mention the pretty patterns it will cast on the table!

After a party leaves, the bus-person merely restocks the lamp with ice and water. If the water was not used by a given party and too much ice has melted, the bus-person will have to drain some water before adding more ice. A simple task, I should think, for a magnificent result: hydrated (and therefore happy) customers. . . well, so long as they actually bring the right food in a timely matter. One problem at a time!