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Here in the UK, a band called Coldplay are about to be beaten (and beaten soundly) to the number 1 spot in the singles chart by a CG character, the so-called "Crazy Frog". I hate the Crazy Frog and everyone I know hates the Crazy Frog, so why will it top the charts?
Certainly allowing the 6-12
age bracket to possess a disposable income was a mistake, but the root problem is that one side of the popularity equation is being completely ignored.
The singles chart measures song popularity in terms of how many people buy a single, but no mechanism is in place to measure how many people would happily see the artist responsible for that single publicly flogged for their crimes against music.
I propose a system whereby, for each week a single is the charts, it is possible to purchase "AntiFrogs". AntiFrogs are priced equivalently to singles and each AntiFrog negates one sale for the single of your choice when the chart is compiled. The purchaser receives nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that they have done their part to crush the rise of the latest musical terror but this should be recompense enough.
Under the new system, it should be impossible for a song that polarises public opinion sharply to rise to the top of the charts, thus musical irritants like the Crazy Frog, and [Insert Name of Irritants Here] will not reach number 1 and will vanish from the airwaves far sooner than under the present system.
To ensure that unscrupulous record companies do not attempt to maximise profits by producing a song that is loved and hated in equal measure, the proceeds from AntiFrogs will go towards bursaries for independent music schools and Giant Panda charities.
(??) Crazy Frog
http://norrlandsguld.privaten.nu/frog.swf
hideous, yet still better than coldplay. [calum, May 27 2005]
(??) Juke Box Jury
http://www.sixtiesc...pTV/JukeBoxJury.htm
I spy a pic of the Beatles on here [po, May 27 2005]
sven,sven, sven...
http://homepage.ntl...yrics/svensven.html
[po, May 27 2005]
'The Crazy Frog sound? That's my fault.'
http://news.bbc.co....agazine/4210407.stm
[waugsqueke, May 28 2005]
Crazy Frog Baseball
http://www.somethin...razy_frog_baseball/
[waugsqueke, Jul 16 2005]
[link]
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A twist on this idea might be to buy a single or album of an artist you support as an anti-crappy-music-protest. That way you'd get something tangible in addition to the satisfaction of saying: "Hey! Crazy Frog! You suck!" You'd go to the website, music store whatever, and buy a tune of your choice, but you could check off that this single, or album was being bought as a protest to, in this case, Crazy Frog, and the anti-chart position vote would be tallied against the offending artist. |
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Seriously, music consumers need to strike back at this lowest-common-denominator shite the music industry is serving. When I was a kid I actually saw bumper stickers saying "Disco Sucks" and disco wasn't half as bad as some of the industry created pap out there now. If people are scared to do an "Emperors New Clothes" on the music industry for fear of being called un-hip, we'll end up someday longing for the day when acts like Crazy Frog were as bad as it got. "Have you heard about the number one song by Turd? They recorded a diesel engine and overdubbed somebody reading out of the phonebook." |
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The problem with that twist, my good fellow doctor is that you'd have to allow every singles purchase to have a protest vote, thus Frog supporters would be able to cancel out the good work done by the rest of the populace.
Using AntiFrogs, they (Frog supporters) would be forced to spend money to negate all of the other potential number 1s, whereas the rest of us could target the Frog in the knowledge that every purchase was another smack upside his infuriating little head.
I do like the idea of getting a tune with the purchase of an AntiFrog. Perhaps a coalition of anti-pap bands could release a pool of their tracks to be assigned randomly to each AntiFrog purchase. |
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Does an internet-download antifrog count
the same a a shop-bought antifrog? |
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Hmm. Your right, Crazy Frog purchases could cause twice the damage to the fabric of society. One by releasing toxic music and another by canceling out the chart effecting purchase of a piece of worthy music. |
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However it's achieved, some kind of consumer feedback should be out there. I once saw an old picture of Ringo Starr of the Beatles on some show holding up a "Miss" sign. I'm assuming it was some kind of music judging show. Maybe that should be revived. The number one show here in the states is American Idol so there's certainly interest in judging quality or lack of in music, in this case with singers. I understand record companies wouldn't support this kind of thing but if there's money to be made, what the hey? Call it "Wow! That Sucks!" |
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Oh hell yes [st3f]. Let the lazy masses find their voices! |
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//it should be impossible for a song that polarises public opinion sharply to rise to the top of the charts//
But the charts aren't about public opinion, they're just about sales. I reckon that if this system were adopted then it would be Frank Sinatra, Matt Munro and Mantovani (sp: corrected) at the top of the charts every week. All very pleasant but completely devoid of any real energy or spark. No, I'd rather have to put up with occasional irritants like the Frog (and it is really unreasonably irritating) than have to listen to lift music all day. Sorry Doc, fish from me. |
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The chart would still be about sales [DrBob] it'd just take account of "positive" and "negative" sales. I doubt whether many people would bother to purchase AntiFrogs, except in the case of a tune that is as monumentally irritating as The Amphibian Who Shall Not Be Named. Thus, continual chart dominance by Sinatra et al would seem unlikely. |
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Well, you say that but I recall that all the stuff that I used to listen to (The Clash, The Jam et al), which is now considered classic, was deemed incredibly irritating by most of the people that I went to school with. Anything different from the norm usually is.
When you think about it in the right way (i.e. the way that I think), basing a play list on what is in the charts is slightly bizarre anyway. I mean, why play all the stuff that people have already got? Once a record is in the charts it should stop getting airplay if you ask me. |
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Knowing absolutely nothing about the frog of which you speak, and only marginally more about Coldplay (isn't Mr Coldplay married to Mrs Someone-Famous?), I restrict my comments to the general case:
i) If you don't like chart music, why listen to chart radio?
ii) Why do you care what other people like?
I have only ever bought one number 1 record while it was number 1 (Bo Rhap, since you ask), and I cannot remember when I last bought a chart single (or any single, come to that). I still happily listen to the same music I listened to 30 years ago (Renaissance, Yes, ELP, Camel etc), largely because most of it has yet to be bettered, interspersed with those bands who continued to play proper music long after it ceased to be fashionable (Rush being a case in point), and occasionally branch out into the rare flashes of more modern talent (Evanescence, for example). You probably hate all the bands I mentioned, but I base my listening on what I like, not what you (or other people) like. |
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the last single I bought (audiotape) was "sven, sven, sven". hilariously embarrassing when it got stuck in my car radio and I had to get professional help to get it out. |
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Not familiar with the item (surprise!), but from the sound of it, you might need professional help anyway. |
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[angel] Firstly, good for you for sticking with the stuff you like. I find it very odd that you highlight Evanescence as an example of modern talent, but we'll let that go by the by. To answer your questions:
//If you don't like chart music, why listen to chart radio?//
I don't listen to chart radio, but what's in the charts gets everywhere. My congratulations on avoiding the Frog who, by my count, has infected all of the satellite music stations, all of the terrestrial TV stations and is also a ringtone. I'd love to avoid it, but it's tough.
//Why do you care what other people like?//
I don't, but I do resent the presentation of things like the Frog as things that everyone loves when I suspect the truth is that huge swathes of the population would strangle the thing if given the chance. Also, what other people supposedly like has a way of getting huge airplay which leads to the problems of avoiding said irritants which was covered above.
I share your tendency to listen to what I like rather than what other people like. I just wish the charts did not depict such an innacurate representation of what's in favour with the masses so that I could avoid the incidental aural pollution that inevitably accompanies the prosecution of my existence with things as the way they are. |
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I was at a wedding, at a posh hotel just outside Inverness a couple of months ago. Just as the registrar said "You may now kiss the bride", from the father of the bride's sporran came |
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"brim brim bebebebebrimbrim brim" &c. Tremendous. |
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Anyway, I like the notion of being able to negate shit music, as opposed to just avoiding it, though I am loath to effectively gift my money to dole-bludging long haired hashsmokers with acoustic guitars and tedious Nick Drake fixations. Give it all to the pandas. |
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<dons panda outfit and sits outside calum's house with begging bowl in hand> |
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<walks past [DrBob] in panda outfit and deposits bushel of bamboo> |
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[Angel], I am always surprised when someone claims to like Rush. I really like them, too, but I just expect people to like more 'popular' music. Sometimes the most unexpected friends not only like them, but can play some of their pieces. |
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I got the most pleasant surprise when sitting down for the first time with a guitarist friend, and the usual "what do you know" question came up. We were playing Xanado within a few minutes. |
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The frog thing has gotten a little ridiculous, but the all time king of annoying tunes still has to be "The Birdie Dance". Not only is it worse than Vogon poetry, it makes normal, rational human beings do unspeakable things on the dance floor. |
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Wow, that frog thing is mind-numbingly horrid. People actually want to listen to that? I found who to pin the blame on, anyway. (link) |
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In the video he appears to be sporting a rudimentary penis. |
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[Ling]: My last band played 'Witch Hunt', 'Distant Early Warning' and 'Time Stand Still' and another band I was a semi-member of did 'In The Mood', 'Closer to the Heart' and 'Red Barchetta'. Peart is my all-time favourite drummer (as well as being an excellent writer), Lee is my number 2 favourite bassist (after Chris Squire) and Lifeson is in my top 5 guitarists. You could say I'm a fan. |
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Wow!. 'Witch Hunt'!. That's a weighty one!. You didn't fancy the 'Magnificent Octopus' that is 'Cygnus X-1', then?. My twin and other brother used to jam 'YYZ' for a laugh at home. |
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We used to chuck YYZ around at practises, but our drummer couldn't quite manage it then. Witch Hunt was not a huge deal; the synth chords came from my MIDI guitar, and my brother played the guitar lead lines on the bass. |
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Sadly the UK charts today, particularly the Hit40UK are governed by airplay as much as record sales. So, if a song is irritating you because you keep hearing it on the radio, tragically the puchase of 'antifrogs' won't necessarily remove it from the chart. But hey, I'm all for helping the giant panda. |
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I thought a rant had to be about a debated issue. I have yet to see a single person step forward to admit to liking the sound of it. \\loved and hated in equal measure\\ seems to be giving it a bit too much credit. |
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Personally I think that the man who invented the frog is a genius. Apparently he has made £5 million off it. To make that much money off somethign that is generally loathed is rather impressive. |
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[Angel] you amaze me. I didn't realize there was anyone still untainted by the frog. However chart music is no longer restricted to radio. It is rare to go into a shop anymore that isn't playing chart music. |
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[Fishrat], even if the purchase of antifrogs wouldn't stop a single reaching the chart, it would be a good sense of achievement to have a song that more people would pay to avoid than buy. |
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And [DocBrown], aside from mandatory congratulations for the idea. What is wrong with Evanescence? |
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I've heard the ringtone but not the *song* |
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I think the whole purpose of having the ringtone is to annoy the rest of the world = rebellion. |
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<thumbwax - sorry, hate is a horrid word> |
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//It is rare to go into a shop anymore that isn't playing chart music.//
Apart from the fact that I don't go into shops as often as most people, I just 'dial out' background noise. Plus, of course, I wouldn't recognize the offending 'music' anyway. |
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HAHAHAHA! Didn't read the annos, but the idea rocks! Sadly I rather like the little frog just as I rather liked the original. <blushes and skulks> |
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A vote for you simply because I hate the frog. |
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A better idea, though, would simpiy be to BAN ring tones from music charts. |
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//sorry, hate is a horrid word// No, sorry [po], "hate" is just a pregnant "hat" - the word isn't horrid but the meaning is. The opposite of my username, really. |
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I've so far managed to restrict my frog-exposure to about half an advert for downloadable ringtones on television (ITV2, probably). No worse than the birdy song, and lyrically sophisticated and tuneful when compared to, say, anything sung by Barney the Dinosaur. |
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Coldplay would still lose. You know, because they suck. |
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I like the idea but who would buy the "antifrogs", ur not getting anything 4 ur money. But I definately agree with u on the main point:
Crazy frog must diiiiiiiiiiiie |
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Fishboning pop culture? I'll bun that. |
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[jfox]:
//The purchaser receives nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that they have done their part to crush the rise of the latest musical terror but this should be recompense enough.//
In addition to this fine contribution, Giant Pandas also benefit (see end of idea). Those who cannot bring themselves to purchase with these incentives deserve the Frog! |
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Is it too late to buy a book of anti- "Safety Dance" coupons? |
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I would also like a trailer full of anti- anything by the wretched Fiona Apple. |
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On a more positive note, and you did mention Rush, I was at a festival a few years back, wandering from one area to another, and stumbled upon a stage with young musicians. The first group was 16-18 year olds, and they played mundane angst-rock like Creed (shudder).
But then a group of 4 wee lads, no more than 13 years of age got up there and started knocking off Art-Rock numbers like they were pros. Rush, Early Genesis, Zeppelin, you name it. The singing was atrocious, since the wee vocal chords were stuck on the fence of puberty. But the musicianship was budding, and these lads had huge cajones for even attempting these songs.
A year later they were at a party and a musician friend offered to sing for them. It all came together, and erased all the bad poser music from my brain for a bit. |
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