h a l f b a k e r yThis ain't rocket surgery.
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Things you will need:
1) two extra-large bags of light, savory, cheesy snacks, like cheetos.
2) access to an area about 1 km away from the target house, where there is a known abundance of seagulls (sky-vermin).
3) target house (the house of your nemesis).
How to do it:
1) Start in the
seagull area about 1 km away. Get the attention of some seagulls by feeding them some cheetos. Ensure that they fight over the cheetos, causing a ruckus and attracting more seagulls.
2) When the sky-vermin flock is uncomfortably large (it will happen unexpectedly) begin walking to the target house, the house of your nemesis. As you walk, throw more cheetos behind you, taking only from the first bag. Try to voluminate the cloud of sky-rats at a controlled rate. Maintain and nurture the bait-to-walking rate so that your personal fear is only somewhat contained for the entire route. When the flock overhead is more than 100 seagulls, and if the noise is intolerable, and if you are running at high speed, you should almost be there. An accurate count may not be critical.
3) When you arrive at the target house, flock-in-tow, quickly empty out the second bag all over the front of the house - the lawn, the house, the garden. Ensure even coverage.
4) If necessary, ring the doorbell to get the attention of the resident. When they come out, stand in the middle of the ruckus and shout your message to your nemesis in an obsolete language.
[link]
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In what way is this art? Persuading seagulls by using a junk food snack to shit all over someone's house is not particularly inventive. Meanwhile, seagulls are amazing birds, much maligned and under threat from the effects of man made global warming and habitat destruction. Maybe your own house will become a target of their attention, then what will you do? |
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//you will need...two extra-large bags of light, savory, cheesy snacks, like cheetos.// |
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hmm. I don't think I need to read any further to take action. |
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If you have 100 seagulls laying about, are you not already in a cheetoless beach wasteland so recrudescent with honeyed cheeto leavings that it looks like a Gaudi peltmeltdown? |
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Replace "seagulls" with "people" and you have a concise summary of current politics, society and cultural affairs. |
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I'd do this but Mar-a-Lago probably already has seagulls, and any language would be simply list on the listener. |
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The performance would be much improved if it included a costume of Radagast the Brown. |
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//trump trump trump// As someone who doesn't carry Trump rent free in my head I'm angry about this because you're turning the halfbakery into a place I have to choose a: pretend to agree with certain politics. b: keep silent on a given topic, but everyone else gets to discuss it. c: make a stink, and frequently. This is not a choice I should have to make. You are harming the halfbakery. |
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Couldn't agree more with Voice. I guess the Trump-hate thing has become a sort of religious cult, which is fine, but do we all have to listen to the incessant chanting day in, day out? |
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I hear his "bone-saw" golf tour's not going too well. Wonder why that is? hahahaha |
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They're all fair game. All politicians are boring fucking wankers, and some even leave their stains to prove it. |
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I'm not against criticizing politicians, I'm against harping all day every day on the same theme. |
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over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over… |
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You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins. |
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Just stop bringing up Trump for about a year, and then bring him up no more than any other politician. I don't like Trump, but at this point every time I hear it, it's like nails on a chalkboard. I get it. I understood everything you said about him. Stop repeating it. Am I getting through to you? Stop saying the same thing over and over. I don't want to hear it again. You don't need to say it again. It's the same thing you said already. It's not new information. Are we communicating here? Just don't say the same thing over and over, it gets irritating. It's like an alarm you can't shut off. It's annoying. I don't need to hear about this topic. The topic has been exhausted, so there's no point in bringing up old, tired things. The horse is dead, buried, brought up to live via necromancy, beaten to a third level of undead, then beaten into dust. You're not beating a dead horse, you're beating something that used to be a horse three states of matter and many years ago. It doesn't need to be said again. Can we stop this now? |
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Whatever. This is my last attempt to reason with you. From now on I'm going to assume any post referencing Trump is a troll post and treat it accordingly. |
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//You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins.// |
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You really are just an obnoxious hate filled person. I've tried and tried to be nice to you but you really are a lost cause. |
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Your main goal is to turn this place back into the Hatebakery so you can try to make people as miserable as you are. |
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Oh well, trolls gonna troll. |
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//you seem upset. Let me show you how to hide those meanie weenie words// |
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And you seem like a troll. Let me ignore you. |
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I'm not sure what happened here. This post is not about Trump or politics. I guess I'll go back to reddit? |
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See what happens with this never ending Trump obsessed bullshit? Lost another one. No wonder the once beautiful Halfbakery is dying. |
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The Halfbakery has an element of the humourless. It is not helped when those with anal sensitivity proclivity jump on genuinely funny jokes. [a1]'s "Cheeto" comment was hilarious. But then it went downhill when the butthurt chimed in... |
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I find it fascinating now. Read the annotations from top to bottom to see who uses the T word first, then a type of "cancel all T comments campaign" or the poor halfbakery will die begins. It's like an episode of Faulty Towers - "for God's sake don't mention the war". I'm up voting those seagulls +++ hahahaha |
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As for the idea, it's a bit amusing and original [+] but seems like a meanspirited prank [-] |
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Okay, I'll get on board the fun humor train. |
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//You two should get sewn together as Siamese twins.// |
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I think you Trump cultists are already sewn together as one big human centipede, recycling the same "idea" over and over. |
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Hey, you're right, this is kind of fun! I could get used to this! (Now don't get all butt-hurt and humorless on me, we're just having fun here.) |
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I'll also throw out, (for the millionth time) how about we just try to be nice to each other? |
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As for the idea, pretty mean thing to do to somebody. Clever, but mean so [+] [-]. |
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Dang it all! I wanted to say that. |
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Logged in all special like just to say it, not linked my password into the tablet I've been using of late yet so I can only lurk on that. |
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You know I made a special trip all the way from the bedroom to the living room just to use the PC, well that was a waste of time, a whole five minutes I won't be getting back in a hurry, my own fault, should have clicked the idea title and checked the annos before bothering :) |
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//Dang it all! I wanted to say that.// |
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Been trying to get him out of the bathroom for ages, not the ideal place to keep a Walrus I know, but where else are you going to put it in a flat, cant remember the last time I had a bath. |
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Whole fresh mackerel is probably best. |
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