Did you know a dangerous new chemical has leaked into
our tap water? It causes dementia, starting with mild
headaches, irritation, and paranoia and ending in
madness
and death. It has been found in Los Angeles, New York,
Chicago, Washington DC, and Wilmington, DE and it's
spreading rapidly.
It's
harmless only to people who perform more than 20
minutes of vigorous activity daily.
There's a different pollutant in the air and this one will
kill
you unless you eat certain antioxidants (found in most
vegetables) in sufficient quantity. The danger is so high
that doctors are recommending at LEAST 50% of your
diet
should consist of vegetables.
A little known symptom of frequent computer use is the
production of Melatonin byproducts that can cause
serious
harm. It happens when you look directly at that kind of
light too long. The only way to be safe is to sleep more
than seven hours a night.
Terrorists are threatening the nation! unless we can cut
gasoline usage by 24% in the next year the president
won't
have enough oil to fight them and they'll kill us all! We
must buy lighter vehicles!